IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The number of tourists visiting Malaysia and Dubai from 1995 to 2003 is presented below.

The following line graph represents
people
Use synonyms
 visiting
Malaysia
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 and
Dubai
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 from 1995 to 2003. I will elaborate on the information
further
Linking Words
 in my next paragraphs.
overall
Linking Words
, By looking at the paragraph one can conclude that the courage of
Dubai
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 among
people
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 has been increasing at a great pace since 1995.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
rate
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 of
people
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 travelling to
Malaysia
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 keeps on increasing at a different pace from 1995 to 2001.
For instance
Linking Words
, around thousand 100,000
people
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 visited in 1995 and 1996, which increased at a whooping
rate
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 between 1996 and 1998 and doubled in 1998 as compared to 1995 .In 2001,
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 visited
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 (around 325,000). The
rate
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 started to decline from 2001 to 2003 at a constant slope around 250,000
people
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 visited
Malaysia
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 in 2003 .
In addition
Linking Words
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, In 1995 courage of
Dubai
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 among
people
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 was very low as only 50,000
people
Use synonyms
 visited
Dubai
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 in 1995 and 1996. The
rate
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 of number of
people
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 visiting
Dubai
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 increased at a great pace from 1996, 1998 and 2001,with a local maxima of around 75,000
people
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 visiting in 1998 and 325,000
people
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 visiting in 2001;
maximum
Correct article usage
a maximum
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 visited
Dubai
Use synonyms
 in 2003 (around four lakh)

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introduction
Enhance the introduction by providing a clearer overview of the data being discussed.
structure
Improve paragraph structure for clarity. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea.
conclusion
Add a concluding paragraph summarizing the main trends and insights from the data.
language use
Use more precise language to describe trends (e.g., use 'increased significantly' instead of 'increased at a whooping rate').
task response
The essay provides a clear differentiation between trends in Malaysia and Dubai.
task response
Individual years and data points are mentioned which support the analysis.
coherence
The essay attempts to convey an overall trend or pattern observed in the data.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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