Although there are number of gyms, people are leading a sedentary lifestyle. Discuss the problems associated with these issues and give the solutions for the same.

Although
there are a lot of
gyms
,
people
are not interested in working out and want to lead a sedentary
lifestyle
. Leading a sedentary
lifestyle
negatively impacts their health and
causes
numerous diseases. To solve
this
problem,
people
should be encouraged to go to
gyms
regularly
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and encourage others to join there. The primary problem caused by
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle
is it negatively impacts the health of
people
.
People
who do not visit
gyms
and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
lead a sedentary life become overweight.
As a result
, they cannot move their body properly and it hinders their daily activities.
Moreover
, if
people
do not go to
gyms
, it
causes
various diseases in their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
. Lack of physical
exercise
causes
diabetes, hypertension, cardiovascular disease and so on.
For instance
, in Australia,
people
are reluctant to go to
gyms
and take
part
in physical
exercise
.
Therefore
, they suffer mostly from diabetes and hypertension. To solve
this
problem,
people
should be encouraged to go to
gyms
.
Gyms
can offer various incentives,
such
as entertainment facilities and discounts to encourage
people
to join
gyms
.
Moreover
,
people
can encourage each other to perform physical
exercise
. If
people
discuss the usefulness of physical
exercise
, it will remind them
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
importance
physical
Change preposition
of physical
show examples
exercise
.
Therefore
,
people
become interested
to take
Change preposition
in taking
show examples
part
in physical
exercise
.
For example
, in Canada,
people
discuss the necessity of physical
exercise
which encourages others to take
part
in physical
exercise
. In
clonclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, leading a sedentary
lifestyle
negatively
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
show examples
the health of
people
and
causes
diseases.
People
should encourage each other to take
part
in physical activities and
gyms
can offer incentives.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Consider providing more diverse examples and specific solutions beyond gyms to fully develop your response to the task.
coherence cohesion
Work on strengthening the connection between ideas. Use a variety of linking devices to make your writing flow more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The essay appropriately introduces the topic and provides a clear conclusion.
task achievement
You have identified clear problems associated with a sedentary lifestyle and proposed potential solutions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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