Question Prompt: In many countries people have to go away from their family and friends to find work. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?
It has been observed
due to
the increasing population, job
opportunities
are decreasing day-by-day
. To grab these Correct your spelling
day by day
job
opportunities
, most of the individuals must migrate to metropolitan cities, leaving their hometowns and closed ones. Although
moving away can have negative
Add an article
a negative
impact
on people’s mental health and lead to increase
Wrong verb form
increased
the
stress levels, the benefits, including having wider Correct article usage
apply
job
opportunities
and better career
prospects, ultimately outweigh these drawbacks
.
One notable disadvantage of migrate
to Change the verb form
migrating
new
place is Add an article
a new
have
Wrong verb form
that it has
negative
Add an article
a negative
impact
on mental health. When relocating to a new location particularly somewhere unfamiliar especially
to a new Add the comma(s)
, especially
country
, people might face a culture shock and uncomfortable feeling, which can heavily impact
their mind and their ability to work. Moreover
, the overload number of task
and pressure Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
along with
a lack of someone besides
them will lead to stress and Change preposition
beside
feeling
of loneliness. Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
For instance
, in
social Change preposition
on
media
there are a lot of overseas Add a comma
media,
job
workers sharing their experience of working in another country
and numerous workers said being overseas
worker is challenging and Add an article
an overseas
drain
their mental and energy.
Despite these Correct subject-verb agreement
drains
drawbacks
, the wide job
opportunities
remain tempting for workers precisely fresh graduates. On
well-developed Change preposition
In
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
nation
precisely in their metropolitan Add a comma
nation,
area
there are numerous Add a comma
area,
of
Change preposition
apply
job
opportunities
that come from wider
Add an article
the wider
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
such
as AI/ML Engineer
, Renewable Energy Fix the agreement mistake
engineers
Technician
, etc. These wider Fix the agreement mistake
technicians
job
opportunities
formed because well-developed country
more visioner and make their working sectors more detailed. Alongside these, it will naturally connect with better career
prospects. For example
, many Information Technology employees deciding
to move overseas because they feel their Wrong verb form
decide
career
already
stuck in their home Add a missing verb
is already
country
due to
undeveloped
environment.
In Correct article usage
an undeveloped
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
while
moving to new
place has several Add an article
a new
drawbacks
such
as giving
Verb problem
having
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
impact
on mental health and increase
Wrong verb form
increased
the
stress levels; Correct article usage
apply
their
benefits firmly outweigh the Change the word
the
drawbacks
by a
wider Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
job
opportunities
and better career
prospects.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with clear transitional phrases.
task achievement
Use specific and varied vocabulary for better expression.
introduction conclusion
Clear introduction and conclusion that outline and summarize the main points effectively.
task achievement
The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages, showing an attempt to balance the argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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