IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Question Prompt: In many countries people have to go away from their family and friends to find work. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #friends #work #policy
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It has been observed
due to
Linking Words
 the increasing population,
job
Use synonyms
opportunities
Use synonyms
 are decreasing
day-by-day
Correct your spelling
day by day
show examples
. To grab these
job
Use synonyms
opportunities
Use synonyms
, most of the individuals must migrate to metropolitan cities, leaving their hometowns and closed ones.
Although
Linking Words
 moving away can have
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
impact
Use synonyms
 on people’s mental health and lead to
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress levels, the benefits, including having wider
job
Use synonyms
opportunities
Use synonyms
 and better
career
Use synonyms
 prospects, ultimately outweigh these
drawbacks
Use synonyms
. One notable disadvantage of
migrate
Change the verb form
migrating
show examples
 to
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 place is
have
Wrong verb form
that it has
show examples
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
impact
Use synonyms
 on mental health. When relocating to a new location particularly somewhere unfamiliar
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 to a new
country
Use synonyms
, people might face a culture shock and uncomfortable feeling, which can heavily
impact
Use synonyms
 their mind and their ability to work.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the overload number of
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 and pressure
along with
Linking Words
 a lack of someone
Linking Words
besides
Change preposition
beside
show examples
 them will lead to stress and
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
 of loneliness.
For instance
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
media
Add a comma
media,
show examples
 there are a lot of overseas
job
Use synonyms
 workers sharing their experience of working in another
country
Use synonyms
 and numerous workers said being
overseas
Add an article
an overseas
show examples
 worker is challenging and
drain
Correct subject-verb agreement
drains
show examples
 their mental and energy. Despite these
drawbacks
Use synonyms
, the wide
job
Use synonyms
opportunities
Use synonyms
 remain tempting for workers precisely fresh graduates.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 well-developed
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
nation
Add a comma
nation,
show examples
 precisely in their metropolitan
area
Add a comma
area,
show examples
 there are numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
job
Use synonyms
opportunities
Use synonyms
 that come from
wider
Add an article
the wider
show examples
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as AI/ML
Engineer
Fix the agreement mistake
engineers
show examples
, Renewable Energy
Technician
Fix the agreement mistake
technicians
show examples
, etc. These wider
job
Use synonyms
opportunities
Use synonyms
 formed because well-developed
country
Use synonyms
 more visioner and make their working sectors more detailed. Alongside these, it will naturally connect with better
career
Use synonyms
 prospects.
For example
Linking Words
, many Information Technology employees
deciding
Wrong verb form
decide
show examples
 to move overseas because they feel their
career
Use synonyms
already
Add a missing verb
is already
show examples
 stuck in their home
country
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
undeveloped
Correct article usage
an undeveloped
show examples
 environment. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 moving to
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 place has several
drawbacks
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
giving
Verb problem
having
show examples
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
impact
Use synonyms
 on mental health and
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress levels;
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 benefits firmly outweigh the
drawbacks
Use synonyms
 by
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
wider
job
Use synonyms
opportunities
Use synonyms
 and better
career
Use synonyms
 prospects.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with clear transitional phrases.
task achievement
Use specific and varied vocabulary for better expression.
introduction conclusion
Clear introduction and conclusion that outline and summarize the main points effectively.
task achievement
The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages, showing an attempt to balance the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic opportunities
  • Skill development
  • Standard of living
  • Personal resilience
  • Cultural awareness
  • Emotional distress
  • Social isolation
  • Support system
  • Cultural challenges
  • Remittances
What to do next:
Look at other essays: