IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In some states, the
age
Use synonyms
 gap between pupils and
parents
Use synonyms
 is generally higher compared to the past.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 has some drawbacks,
such
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 as the concern
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the
parents
Use synonyms
' physical capacity to carry a
child
Use synonyms
 and to cope with their
children
Use synonyms
's development, I believe the benefits,
such
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 as the better emotional and financial conditions of the
parents
Use synonyms
 to take care of their pupils, outweigh the drawbacks. On the one
hand
Use synonyms
, the inability of
parents
Use synonyms
'
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 to carry a baby and to cope with its growth are some of the disadvantages
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the huge
age
Use synonyms
 gap between
children
Use synonyms
 and
parents
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, if
parents
Use synonyms
 decide to have a baby when they are already old, pregnancy could be dangerous for both the mother and the
child
Use synonyms
due to
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 the fact that
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 body has a certain
age
Use synonyms
 limit for a specific function, including pregnancy.
Secondly
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,
while
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 their
children
Use synonyms
 continue to grow older and become more physically active, older
parents
Use synonyms
 are in a difficult position to keep up with their
children
Use synonyms
 because of their physical conditions.
For example
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, many young adults in Indonesia, especially women, don't want to get pregnant after their 30s because they
are worry
Change the verb form
are worried
show examples
 about their
wellbeings
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
.
On the other
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hand
Use synonyms
, the big difference in
age
Use synonyms
 between
parents
Use synonyms
 and pupils can bring many advantages,
such
Linking Words
 as the emotional and financial readiness of the
parents
Use synonyms
 to have
children
Use synonyms
. In general, older
couple
Fix the agreement mistake
couples
show examples
 tend to have better emotional and mental capacity because of their experience and personal growth which are crucial to become
parents
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, the fact that older
parents
Use synonyms
 have generally more time to prepare
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 financial aspects of having
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
show examples
children
Use synonyms
,
their
Correct word choice
and their
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 will enjoy a better life ahead.
For instance
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, the declining number of
child
Use synonyms
 marriages in Indonesia goes
hand
Use synonyms
 in
hand
Use synonyms
 with the decline
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
child
Use synonyms
 mortality rates.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though the big difference in
age
Use synonyms
 between
parents
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
 could bring some disadvantages,
such
Linking Words
 as the concern
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
mother
Correct article usage
the mother
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
wellbeings
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 and
parents
Use synonyms
'
phsyical
Correct your spelling
physical
 capacities to cope with their
children
Use synonyms
's growth, I think the benefits,
such
Linking Words
 as the better degree of emotional and financial capacity, outweigh the disadvantages.

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task response
Expand on the examples provided to make your point stronger. For instance, you mentioned young adults in Indonesia being concerned about well-being post-30, but this point could be supported with additional statistics or expert views.
task response
There are a few grammatical and word choice errors ('phsyical' should be 'physical', 'pupils' should be 'children', etc.) that you should watch out for in the future.
coherence cohesion
Look to further develop cohesion by using more varied linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your arguments well.
task response
Concrete examples, such as those from Indonesia, help to support your claims and illustrate the points you're making.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your arguments logically, making it easy for the reader to follow your train of thought.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • generation gap
  • intergenerational
  • fulfilling
  • complications
  • stigma
  • judgment
  • advancing age
  • life experience
  • wisdom
  • financial stability
  • opportunity
  • patience
  • maturity
  • relationships
  • communication
  • physical energy
  • social
  • learning
  • understanding
  • age difference
  • older parents
  • risk
  • challenges
  • young children
  • society
  • quality time
  • grandchildren
What to do next:
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