In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
In some states, the
age
gap between pupils and parents
is generally higher compared to the past. Although
this
has some drawbacks, such
as the concern of
the Change preposition
about
parents
' physical capacity to carry a child
and to cope with their children
's development, I believe the benefits, such
as the better emotional and financial conditions of the parents
to take care of their pupils, outweigh the drawbacks.
On the one hand
, the inability of parents
' body
to carry a baby and to cope with its growth are some of the disadvantages Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
from
the huge Change preposition
of
age
gap between children
and parents
. Firstly
, if parents
decide to have a baby when they are already old, pregnancy could be dangerous for both the mother and the child
due to
the fact that human
body has a certain Correct article usage
the human
age
limit for a specific function, including pregnancy. Secondly
, while
their children
continue to grow older and become more physically active, older parents
are in a difficult position to keep up with their children
because of their physical conditions. For example
, many young adults in Indonesia, especially women, don't want to get pregnant after their 30s because they are worry
about their Change the verb form
are worried
wellbeings
.
Correct your spelling
well-being
On the other
hand
, the big difference in age
between parents
and pupils can bring many advantages, such
as the emotional and financial readiness of the parents
to have children
. In general, older couple
tend to have better emotional and mental capacity because of their experience and personal growth which are crucial to become Fix the agreement mistake
couples
parents
. Moreover
, the fact that older parents
have generally more time to prepare the
financial aspects of having Change preposition
for the
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
children
, their
Correct word choice
and their
children
will enjoy a better life ahead. For instance
, the declining number of child
marriages in Indonesia goes hand
in hand
with the decline of
Change preposition
in
child
mortality rates.
To conclude
, even though the big difference in age
between parents
and children
could bring some disadvantages, such
as the concern of
Change preposition
for
mother
and Correct article usage
the mother
children
Change noun form
children's
wellbeings
and Correct your spelling
well-being
parents
' phsyical
capacities to cope with their Correct your spelling
physical
children
's growth, I think the benefits, such
as the better degree of emotional and financial capacity, outweigh the disadvantages.Submitted by aribawadzaki on
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task response
Expand on the examples provided to make your point stronger. For instance, you mentioned young adults in Indonesia being concerned about well-being post-30, but this point could be supported with additional statistics or expert views.
task response
There are a few grammatical and word choice errors ('phsyical' should be 'physical', 'pupils' should be 'children', etc.) that you should watch out for in the future.
coherence cohesion
Look to further develop cohesion by using more varied linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your arguments well.
task response
Concrete examples, such as those from Indonesia, help to support your claims and illustrate the points you're making.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your arguments logically, making it easy for the reader to follow your train of thought.
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