Many people believe that a university education is necessary for a good career . Do you agree or disagree? What other factors can contribute to a good career?

A lot of people’s opinion is that the
knoweledge
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knowledge
that students
recieve
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receive
in
university
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is important for their future
job
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. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
the knowledge that we
recieve
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receive
received
at
university
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is not
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such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
neccesary
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necessary
for our
employement
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employment
. I think so because
at
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apply
show examples
all educational institutions
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
us more information than we need and
also
Linking Words
because there are many cases when people don’t
work
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according to
Linking Words
the
Change the word
their
show examples
speciality . All
educationl
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educational
institutions
gives
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give
show examples
us more information than we need . It means that at
univeristy
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university
we need to study just the objects that we demand , but
also
Linking Words
we
receieve
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receive
school
informtion
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information
that we are not supposed to study ,
university
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learn
Verb problem
teaches
show examples
us a lot of
usefull
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useful
theory
Fix the agreement mistake
theories
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and there are
less
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fewer
show examples
practice lessons
that
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than
show examples
a real employer
need
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needs
show examples
to know before going to his future
job
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.
For example
Linking Words
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
me , I study at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college ,
my
Correct word choice
and my
show examples
profession is computers in general , meaning both , the IT side and
also
Linking Words
the
tehnical
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technical
side . At
college
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college,
show examples
we have just 2 weeks for
parctice
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practice
practise
lessons and a lot of school objects that aren’t
usefull
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useful
for my
profesion
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profession
. There are many cases when people don’t
work
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according to
Linking Words
the
job
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. Many people graduate
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university
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from university
show examples
just
for having
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to have
show examples
the certificate of having
studies
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studied
show examples
for a
job
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or they prefer to be employed in another scope of
work
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where
are
Correct pronoun usage
there are
show examples
better
work
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conditions .
For example
Linking Words
my father ,
he
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apply
show examples
studied
the
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apply
show examples
musical instruments , he played more musical instruments , he had
succes
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success
but he
decieded
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decided
to start his own
bussines
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business
and he liked
taht
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that
more , now he has a
bussines
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business
and he loves his
work
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, there are advantages like getting more money , making your own program and other. To
conclud
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conclude
I think that we should make a very difficult choice when we go to
university
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but what
wouldn’t
Verb problem
shouldn’t
show examples
happen
we
Add a missing verb
is we
show examples
must
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
graduate
Change the verb form
graduated
show examples
the
Change preposition
from the
show examples
university
Use synonyms
for any eventuality .

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task achievement
Revisit the main argument to ensure it addresses the specific task prompt fully. Expand on points about non-traditional career paths with more specific details.
coherence cohesion
Organize each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. Work on linking words and phrases to improve the logical flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes clear introductory and concluding paragraphs, which frame the discussion effectively.
task achievement
Real-life examples, such as the experiences of the writer and their father, add a personal touch and relevance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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