There is a popular view that advertising encourages everyone to want the same things in life, and to believe that we need these things in order to be happy. To what extent do you agree?

Generally,
ads
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greatly
trend
Correct your spelling
tend
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to let
people
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to
Change the verb form
apply
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buy
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
things in life. I totally concur with
this
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thinking, for some reasons which will be discussed in the ensuing paragraphs. The main reason why I don’t believe advertising
promote
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promotes
show examples
people
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to get
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
goods is because nowadays there are too many different
ads
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at various places. To
further
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justify the mentioned idea that
as
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with
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development
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the development
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of technology
people
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often can see a lot of
ads
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when they are using public transportation and watching
own
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their own
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smartphone
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smartphones
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.
People
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who
saw
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see
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many
advertisings
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advertisements
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have a lot of opportunities to have
interest
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an interest
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to
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in
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the products.
However
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, too many promotions make them confused.
Then
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they cannot decide
merchandise
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on merchandise
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. Another reason why I don’t support the thought is
due to
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the factor that the amount of fake
ads
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are existing current society. To provide
adequate
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an adequate
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reference for
this
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idea, there is a possibility that when you tap a link or call
to
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apply
show examples
a company after having
interest
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an interest
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the
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in the
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advertisement, your personal information
are
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is
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stolen. Recently there fraud activities
are
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have been
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reported on
news
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the news
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. Because of
this
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, the proportion of
people
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having
awariness
Correct your spelling
awareness
to
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of
show examples
ads
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rise
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rises
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. On the flip side, because almost all advertising
locate
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locates
show examples
the
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in the
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place that many
people
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often look
such
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as the side of shopping malls and nearby
expressway
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expressways
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these
ads
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remain easily on
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people’
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people’s
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brain
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brains
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.
This
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point
lead
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leads
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to motivation
foy
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for
buying to
people
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.
In addition
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, advertisements are used at SNS currently. By using social media, it can affect dramatically to
people
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. In conclusion, it may be true that
ads
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are setting areas
people
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often see so these
ads
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can leave
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the promotion in their minds.
Nevertheless
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, it
also
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may be correct that
ads
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have bad influences
such
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as fraud and too
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
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information. Given the situation, it does not seem that
ads
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promote
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
people
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to buy
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
products.

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next. Transitional phrases will help the reader understand the connection between each of your ideas.
task achievement
Be sure to provide specific examples to bolster your main points. This adds credibility to your argument and helps illustrate your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Make sure each part of the question is addressed in detail. This ensures your response is comprehensive and fully developed.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your response well.
task achievement
You attempted to address both sides of the issue, showing an effort to provide a balanced response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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