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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays many people choose to be self employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. what could be the disadvantages of being self employed?

#people #self #work #company #organisation
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These days, many
people
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 want to become self-employed
instead
Linking Words
 of
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work
Wrong verb form
working
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 for a company or organization. The disadvantages of being
a
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apply
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self-employed are working unlimited
hours
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, and maintaining a lot of responsibilities. The advantages of being
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
self-employed are flexible working
hours
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 and having full
profit
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 of the company. One of the benefits of being
self-made
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 is having flexible working
hours
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.
People
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 who are
self-made
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 do not have any designated working
hours
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,
therefore
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, they can start and finish their
work
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according to
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 their choices.
Moreover
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,
self-made
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people
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 are the
solo
Correct your spelling
sole
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 owners of their own
companies
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, and they can access the full
profit
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 of their
companies
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. They do not share their earnings with other
companies
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 or persons which allows them to make a huge
profit
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.
For example
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, in Bangladesh, many
people
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 have their own business because they can have the full
profit
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 of their
companies
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 and it allows them to earn a lot.
However
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, one
the
Change preposition
of the
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 disadvantages of being
self-made
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 is it sometimes demands working unlimited
hours
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. Establishing an organization is not an easy task, and
therefore
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,
people
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 are required to
work
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 unlimited
hours
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 to manage everything.
Moreover
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,
people
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 have to
work
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 hard to continue their business and make
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profit
Add an article
a profit
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. Sometimes, a person is required to
work
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 alone without the help of others. If there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 a lot of
work
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, it sometimes hinders his health because of overwork.
For example
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, many businesswomen in Bangladesh
work
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 hard because they do not have any extra person to help them and it negatively impacts their health. In conclusion, being
self-made
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 allows
people
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 to enjoy the full
profit
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 of the company, and
work
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 flexibly.
However
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,
people
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 have to
work
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 unlimited
hours
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and sometimes
work
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 hard to establish and continue their
companies
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.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Avoid repetition and ensure that each idea is developed uniquely.
Task Achievement
Consider discussing more specific disadvantages of self-employment related to financial risks and lack of benefits.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure all your ideas are linked smoothly and transitions are clear between paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with both advantages and disadvantages discussed in separate paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Good use of specific examples, such as referencing business practices in Bangladesh.
Coherence & Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed in the essay, reinforcing the main argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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