some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of diffenent cultures and ages together. to what extend do you agree?

#people #music #diffenent #cultures #ages

It is argued that

music

is a suitable path to make

individuals

get

along with

individuals

of various cultural contexts

as well as

of different ages.

Music

is a

cross cultural

Add a hyphen

cross-cultural

show examples

phenomenon which can be utilized by

people

to get on well with citizens owning other cultures. It should be taken into consideration more

due to

not only can

individuals

enjoy it, but

also

it might be a communicative asset, contributing to

make

Change the verb form

making

show examples

people

become familiar with others in different cultures.

Music

can be heard by

all

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

people

all over the world regardless what language and from what

sorts

Correct subject-verb agreement

sort

show examples

it is performed. The more it is widespread, the more

individuals

will share their customs, culture, and attitudes.

Futrhermore

Correct your spelling

Furthermore

, it can be considered

highly

Correct article usage

a highly

show examples

significat

Correct your spelling

significant

way of bringing

people

together as listening to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

music

is one of the most popular

hobby

Change to a plural noun

hobbies

show examples

worldwide notwithstanding the age of its lovers.

Moreover

music

is used in all ceremonies

as well as

special occasions

such

wedding

Fix the agreement mistake

weddings

show examples

birthday

Correct word choice

and birthday

show examples

parties, and

also

it is practical for religious customs.

For example

, a unique song with a united type is usually played for

birthday

Fix the agreement mistake

birthdays

show examples

by habitants

Change preposition

around

show examples

the globe.

However

individuals

may have different desires towards

kinds

Correct word choice

different kinds

show examples

music

based on their ages. Take

adolesents

Correct your spelling

adolescents

as a salient example of big fans of Rap

music

whereas

the elders

Correct your spelling

are

show examples

passionate

for

Change preposition

about

show examples

traditional

Correct article usage

the traditional

show examples

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

of their own nation merely related to their own culture. Having had the same attitudes toward the

music

, all

people

with

Change preposition

show examples

different ages could have shared their willings. In conclusion, as far as I am

fanathic

Correct your spelling

fanatic

fanatical

about listening to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

music

and I am a big fan of foreign

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

globally, I partly agree with

this

perspective.

Submitted by ieltsacademic77 on Fri Oct 25 2024

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coherence cohesion

Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single idea. This will enhance the logical flow of your writing, making it easier for the reader to understand your arguments.

task achievement

Try to expand on your examples. Providing specific instances or case studies can make your arguments more persuasive and engaging.

coherence cohesion

You've effectively included both an introduction and a conclusion, giving your essay a clear structure.

task achievement

You addressed the prompt by discussing both cultural and age-related aspects of music's unifying power.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

283 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of diffenent cultures and ages together. to what extend do you agree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that when designing a building, the most important thing to be considered is the function rather than the appearance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More and more people are shifting to a plant-based diet. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Due to low-cost flights, many people are choosing to holiday abroad rather than have holidays in their own country. What are the advantages and disadvantages to this?

in some countries , owing a home rather than renting one is very important for people why might this be the case? do you think this is a positive or negetive situation