IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of diffenent cultures and ages together. to what extend do you agree?

#people #music #diffenent #cultures #ages
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It is argued that
music
Use synonyms
 is a suitable path to make
individuals
Use synonyms
 get
along with
Linking Words
individuals
Use synonyms
 of various cultural contexts
as well as
Linking Words
 of different ages.
Music
Use synonyms
 is a
cross cultural
Add a hyphen
cross-cultural
show examples
 phenomenon which can be utilized by
people
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 to get on well with citizens owning other cultures. It should be taken into consideration more
due to
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 not only can
individuals
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 enjoy it, but
also
Linking Words
 it might be a communicative asset, contributing to
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
people
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 become familiar with others in different cultures.
Music
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 can be heard by
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
people
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 all over the world regardless what language and from what
sorts
Correct subject-verb agreement
sort
show examples
 it is performed. The more it is widespread, the more
individuals
Use synonyms
 will share their customs, culture, and attitudes.
Futrhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, it can be considered
highly
Correct article usage
a highly
show examples
significat
Correct your spelling
significant
 way of bringing
people
Use synonyms
 together as listening to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 is one of the most popular
hobby
Change to a plural noun
hobbies
show examples
 worldwide notwithstanding the age of its lovers.
Moreover
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,
music
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 is used in all ceremonies
as well as
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 special occasions
such
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 as
wedding
Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
show examples
,
birthday
Correct word choice
and birthday
show examples
 parties, and
also
Linking Words
 it is practical for religious customs.
For example
Linking Words
, a unique song with a united type is usually played for
birthday
Fix the agreement mistake
birthdays
show examples
 by habitants
in
Change preposition
around
show examples
 the globe.
However
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,
individuals
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 may have different desires towards
kinds
Correct word choice
different kinds
show examples
 of
music
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 based on their ages. Take
adolesents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
 as a salient example of big fans of Rap
music
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the elders
ae
Correct your spelling
are
show examples
 passionate
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
show examples
musics
Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
show examples
 of their own nation merely related to their own culture. Having had the same attitudes toward the
music
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, all
people
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different ages could have shared their willings. In conclusion, as far as I am
fanathic
Correct your spelling
fanatic
fanatical
 about listening to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 and I am a big fan of foreign
musics
Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
show examples
 globally, I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 perspective.
Submitted by ieltsacademic77 on

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coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single idea. This will enhance the logical flow of your writing, making it easier for the reader to understand your arguments.
task achievement
Try to expand on your examples. Providing specific instances or case studies can make your arguments more persuasive and engaging.
coherence cohesion
You've effectively included both an introduction and a conclusion, giving your essay a clear structure.
task achievement
You addressed the prompt by discussing both cultural and age-related aspects of music's unifying power.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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