IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #career #path #lives #life #change #jobs
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There are people
whom
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 from the start,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 able to determine what they want in life. When it comes to having a successful future, it is usually compared to others who transfer from one job to another. I believe that
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 part, it is better to foresee what career to pursue to have a successful life. On the one hand, experiencing different jobs can enhance someone’s horizon. They will learn to do various things and be knowledgeable about other abilities.
For instance
Linking Words
, a server in a fast food restaurant
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
decided to change career and work as a receptionist in a hotel. In the end, aside from mastery in serving
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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 to customers, learning how to deal with guests and interacting with them will be enhanced and as the person
became
Wrong verb form
becomes
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 familiar
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the task, it will eventually become a skill.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is better to have a planned future because a person will know which paths to take and what decisions to choose.
For example
Linking Words
, a teenager who is passionate about helping other people and
wanted
Wrong verb form
wants
show examples
 to become a nurse, after graduating high school, it is easier to decide what course to take in college.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is more organized to reach specific goals at a time than the need to decide on important matters soon. In conclusion, I mostly believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 to have a successful career, it is not only the experiences that should matter
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 the steps and plans of an individual on how to achieve success in the coming years.
Submitted by cng123 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to enhance logical flow and connection between ideas.
task achievement
Strengthen your thesis statement in the introduction to clearly present your position.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that frame the essay well.
task achievement
Good use of examples to illustrate points, like the career changes from server to receptionist.
coherence cohesion
Well-organized structure helps in making your points easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career path
  • job satisfaction
  • professional goals
  • climb the career ladder
  • develop expertise
  • long-term commitment
  • financial security
  • varied experiences
  • prevent monotony
  • job security
  • career progression
  • personal preferences
  • industry dynamics
What to do next:
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