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Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #location #dance #classes #people #town #australia #summarise #features #comparisons
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The charts make comparisons between the variety of sorts and locations of
dance
Use synonyms
 classes which are being taken by the young generation in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are five different places and three types of
dance
Use synonyms
 activities.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
while
Linking Words
 the most renowned place for
dance
Use synonyms
 is a Private studio which is chosen by 48% of participants, College-based studios showed the lowest results with 10%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there
areSchool
Correct your spelling
are school
 halls in which 24% of people take
dance
Use synonyms
 lessons
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
after school assignments.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, 18% of participants prefer community halls and other facilities. Nearly 600 students who are under 11 years old
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
preferred ballet. The least popular option among them is modern
dance
Use synonyms
 which is adored by 300 of them. Tap exercises were liked better by nearly 500 of them.The most common
dance
Use synonyms
 type among the 11-16 age group is modern with a bit more than 500,
while
Linking Words
 ballet was preferred by only 300, and tap activity
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 interested in more than 400 of them.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words dance with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • attending
  • currently
  • location
  • variety
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • jazz
  • venues
  • popularity
  • attendees
  • juxtaposing
  • correlating
  • proximity
  • cultural influences
  • trends
  • anomalies
  • monopoly
  • proportion
  • distribution
  • enrollment
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