The use of social media such as Facebook or Twitter is replacing face-to-face contact this century. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Some
people
reckon that the utilizing of online apps
such
as Facebook or Twitter is preferred by most
people
for communicating
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
face-to-face calls in
this
century .
This
essay agrees with the notion that the profits of using these applications outweigh the setbacks of it .
Firstly
, the biggest advantage of that kind of program is saving
people
's time .
In other words
, a person does not need to waste his time preparing for the meeting or spending his day arriving meeting point . In 2017 ,
According to
researchers at Oxford University , more than %74 of busy company workers chose to make conversation in an online way in order to save their precious time .
Furthermore
, another benefit of Facebook and Twitter shows itself in a financial way . To put it differently ,
People
have to spend their money on transporting or ordering something in face-to-face contact ,
on the other hand
, a person can keep his money
while
having an online conversation .
For instance
, in the 21st century , technology is developing day by day , and because of that , making online contacts becomes an excuse for saving money .
To sum
up
Add a comma
up,
show examples
everything that has been stated so far , the good sides of these apps fully overcome the drawbacks of it .
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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lexical resource
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to increase the richness of your essay. For example, use synonyms for words like 'advantage,' 'disadvantages,' 'benefits,' etc., to prevent repetition and enrich your writing.
grammatical range and accuracy
Work on improving grammatical accuracy. Though small errors are understandable, eliminating them will make your essay clearer and more professional.
task achievement
Clear agreement with the statement is well articulated in the introduction straightforwardly, providing a solid starting point for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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