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Writing Samples
Band 5

Experts say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more excercise and spend more time with their family and friends whereas now many suffer loneliness and health problems.What are the causes o this and what are some solutions

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Professional
Fix the agreement mistake
Professionals
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 claim that elderlies were in better
health
Use synonyms
 condition and more cheerful in the previous time.
However
Linking Words
, nowadays they are experiencing catastrophes like isolation and illness.
Limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
Limitations
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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communication with their family and insufficient physical activity contribute to these problems. A few reasons can be given to justify the loneliness and lack of
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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 in the old population. First , their children mostly
are struggled
Wrong verb form
struggle
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 with their personal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 and professions more than past.
Due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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globalization and the competitive nature of it, individuals are not able to visit their parents as
frequent
Change the word
frequently
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 as
the
Change preposition
in the
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 past.
Thus
Linking Words
, some elderlies might experience various stages of being alone. Another justification could possibly be the fact that the advancement in technology
promote
Change the verb form
promotes
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 sedentary lifestyle for folk
in
Change preposition
of
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 different ages and there is no exception to the old population.
For example
Linking Words
,
increasing
Add an article
an increasing
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 number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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old people using e-stores
instead
Linking Words
 of going out for shopping causes less physical
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they could be exposed to the risk of cardiovascular disease. To tackle the issue of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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isolation, some groups could be established in order to give senior citizens an opportunity to meet and communicate with
the
Remove the article
apply
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each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, those with
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 interests could be in the same groups for performing collective activities
such
Linking Words
 as watching football games or taking part in ceremonies.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can establish their own community in order to be in touch with their peers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, to
addressing
Wrong verb form
address
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 the issue of
health
Use synonyms
 crises, devoting more time to exercise and regularly visiting
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
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 could play a crucial role in the elder’s general wellbeing. In conclusion, despite that
contemporary
Correct article usage
the contemporary
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 lifestyle causes difficulties for
senior
Add an article
the senior
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 population
such
Linking Words
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
isolation and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 issues,
with
Change preposition
by
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 building
the
Correct article usage
apply
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communities for them to commute with themself with ease and more exercise
along with
Linking Words
 tracking their
health
Use synonyms
 condition, their problem would be mitigated.

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coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing your ideas logically into paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea.
task achievement
Clarify and expand upon your arguments with more specific examples. Try to provide more detail in your examples to better illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides an introduction and a conclusion, which ensures a complete structure.
task achievement
The main points about the causes of loneliness and health issues in the elderly are clearly addressed.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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