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Band 5

as well as earning money, businesses should consider social responsibility, do you agree or disagree

#money #businesses #responsibility
There are numerous prosperous
companies
 in the world. There is no doubt that they trade a huge amount of money annually. Recently, it has been a controversial issue whether businessmen should consider their social responsibilities accompanied by earning money.
This
 essay will discuss my positive orientation towards it
along with
 practical supportive reasons. The first and foremost reason is
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
companies
 can progress more in a developed community. To put it differently, the employees of these
companies
 are mostly hired from their own society and locals, so if they improve the academic
institues
Correct your spelling
institutes
 and
further
 than that their academic
pursue
Replace the word
pursuits
show examples
thgrough
Correct your spelling
through
 providing good educational equipment and practical lessons, in the end,
companies
 can hire those experts and promote the level of their businesses.
For example
, Bill Gates, one of the wealthiest in the world, annually
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
show examples
 a scholarship to support intelligent and talented students who come from unbearable situations.
On the other hand
, it is believed that businessmen have
Correct article usage
a noticable
show examples
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 effect on
people
's life and the majority of
people
 look up to their activities. In
this
 regard, the wealthy can guide and drag all other
people
 to be aware of challenges,
such
 as disease and financial issues, which are available in the world and help.
For instance
, Ilon Mask, the richest man, are the
sponser
Correct your spelling
sponsor
sponsors
 of the seminars about cancers, particularly blood cancer, to enlighten
people
 about the issues which are undergone by
illneses
Correct your spelling
illnesses
illness
.
In addition
, He donates a huge capital
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the treatment processes. In conclusion, it is universally acknowledged that everyone has responsibility
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their community and should participate in enhancing it as much as they can.
As a result
, the prosperous who earn a lot of money should be involved in
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 social tasks considerably
due to
 their significant influence on society."
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs have a clear main idea and stick to it. Sometimes the essay can wander slightly from the main point.
task achievement
Try to maintain consistent tense and subject-verb agreement to enhance clarity and readability.
task achievement
Include a clear thesis statement in the introduction to outline your stance and main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, enclosing the discussion neatly.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as those about Bill Gates and Elon Musk, are relevant and effectively back up the claims made.
task achievement
The task response covers both aspects of the discussion, arguing for why businesses should consider social responsibility alongside earning money.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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