IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

All cars that burn fossil fuels should be banned, and electric cars should replace them. Do you agree or disagree?

#cars #fuels
It is argued by some people that fossil
fuel burning
Add a hyphen
fuel-burning
show examples
cars
 should be replaced by electronic
cars
.
This
 essay agrees with the ban
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 manual
cars
, as it would result in the reduction of
air
 pollution and electric
cars
,
additionally
, are cost-effective. Restrictions on semi-auto
cars
 would result in the lowering of
air
 pollution.
This
 is because these
cars
 use extensive amounts of fossil
fuels
 resulting in the emission of harmful gases like carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide into the atmosphere.
However
,
electric powered
Add a hyphen
electric-powered
show examples
vehicles
 would not emit toxic gases into the environment
due to
 their rechargeable batteries
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
thus
 would contribute towards an improvement of
air
 quality.
For example
, Finland is a prime example, as it ranks among the countries with the best quality of
air
 because they do not use mechanical
cars
 as their means of transportation. Electric
cars
 are cost-efficient in comparison to manual
cars
.
That is
 to say that
vehicles
 using fossil
fuels
 require people to burn their pockets, and with the increase in the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 fossil
fuels
, prices are going up resulting in an increased expenditure.
Whereas electronic
Correct word choice
Electronic
show examples
cars
 require
one-time
Correct article usage
a one-time
show examples
 investment, and they are convenient to charge at home.
For instance
, Japan is one of the countries with the highest number of people operating electronic
vehicles
,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
 their commuting charges are
cost friendly
Add a hyphen
cost-friendly
show examples
. Automobiles burning fossil
fuels
 should be banned and replaced by electronic
vehicles
 as they are cost-efficient, and it would result in the improvement of the quality of
air
.
Submitted by sakshisyal2000 on

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task response
Include more specific examples and data to strengthen your arguments. For instance, citing studies or statistics about pollution reduction with electric cars can enhance the essay.
coherence
Ensure smooth transition between paragraphs to improve overall cohesion. Use connective words or phrases such as 'Moreover,' or 'Additionally,' to create a seamless flow.
task response
The essay presents a clear opinion and consistently supports it with relevant points.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined and effectively frame the essay's arguments.
task response
The examples chosen, like the reference to Finland and Japan, are pertinent and enhance the arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fossil fuels
  • emissions
  • air pollution
  • greenhouse gases
  • climate change
  • sustainable
  • renewable
  • electric vehicles
  • battery technology
  • charging infrastructure
  • range anxiety
  • government support
  • incentives
  • subsidies
  • renewable energy
  • environmental impact
  • energy efficiency
What to do next:
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