The percentage of overweight children in western countries has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution.

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Young age
that is
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indicated overweight has increased in the
last
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ten years in western
countries
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. Dietary habit is the primary reason for the phenomenon and it affects the healthiness and medical facility demand in these
countries
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. One possible solution is making policies about
nutrition
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in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fast
food
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ingredients
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. There are many junk
food
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products targeting young age in Western
countries
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. The
foods
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contain many unhealthy
ingredients
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that are harmful to consume excessively
such
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as high amounts of fat, artificial colour, and low
nutrition
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.
For example
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, many children
that
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is
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are
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consuming sweets excessively
such
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as
donuts
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doughnuts
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and chocolate tend to be overweight
due to
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the amount of fat and glucose
that is
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contained in
it
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them
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.
Due to
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this
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fact, there are many children in these
countries
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diagnosed with obesity and it can cause
health
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problems
such
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as heart dysfunction and stroke.
Furthermore
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, the increase in
health
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needs will
also
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increase medical facilities demand and if the
health
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centres are limited, the patients can not acquire proper service.
This
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is
due to
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the fact that some facilities
such
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as heart dysfunctionality instruments are limited and if the number of patients increases they can not treated appropriately. One immediate solution is making
food
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policies to balance the
nutrition
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in
foods
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and beverages.
This
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could be done by inspecting the production of the
foods
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before it distributed massively.
For instance
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, in Indonesia, there is a
Food
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Ministry that holds a
food
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certification to make sure the products contain allowed
ingredients
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and the industries that do not have
this
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certificate are prohibited from selling their goods.
As a result
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, it helps prevent the overweight phenomenon by providing healthy consumption.
To conclude
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, the increase
of
Change preposition
in
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overweight children in Western
Countries
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is caused by imbalanced
nutrition
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in their
foods
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and it affects their
health
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.
Furthermore
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, the rise of unhealthy people will affect the demand for medical facilities in these
countries
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. Because of that, the government should create
food
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policies that control the
ingredients
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in any production of
foods
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.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph logically follows the previous one, and use more connective words like 'furthermore', 'however', and 'for example' to strengthen the cohesion.
task achievement
Ensure that all the main points are expanded with a sufficient number of relevant examples. This will enhance the clarity and depth of the ideas presented.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which reinforces the overall structure and focus.
task achievement
The essay identifies specific causes of the trend (dietary habits) and suggests a concrete solution (food policies), showcasing a good understanding of the task requirements.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • nutritional value
  • screen time
  • socio-economic factors
  • chronic diseases
  • self-esteem
  • bullying
  • financial burden
  • promote healthy eating
  • physical activity
  • whole grains
  • education and awareness
  • policy and regulation
  • subsidies
  • fast food
  • obesity-related conditions
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