The percentage of overweight children in western countries has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution.
Young age
that is
indicated overweight has increased in the last
ten years in western countries
. Dietary habit is the primary reason for the phenomenon and it affects the healthiness and medical facility demand in these countries
. One possible solution is making policies about nutrition
in the
fast Correct article usage
apply
food
ingredients
.
There are many junk food
products targeting young age in Western countries
. The foods
contain many unhealthy ingredients
that are harmful to consume excessively such
as high amounts of fat, artificial colour, and low nutrition
. For example
, many children that
is
consuming sweets excessively Change the verb form
are
such
as donuts
and chocolate tend to be overweight Change the spelling
doughnuts
due to
the amount of fat and glucose that is
contained in it
. Correct pronoun usage
them
Due to
this
fact, there are many children in these countries
diagnosed with obesity and it can cause health
problems such
as heart dysfunction and stroke. Furthermore
, the increase in health
needs will also
increase medical facilities demand and if the health
centres are limited, the patients can not acquire proper service. This
is due to
the fact that some facilities such
as heart dysfunctionality instruments are limited and if the number of patients increases they can not treated appropriately.
One immediate solution is making food
policies to balance the nutrition
in foods
and beverages. This
could be done by inspecting the production of the foods
before it distributed massively. For instance
, in Indonesia, there is a Food
Ministry that holds a food
certification to make sure the products contain allowed ingredients
and the industries that do not have this
certificate are prohibited from selling their goods. As a result
, it helps prevent the overweight phenomenon by providing healthy consumption.
To conclude
, the increase of
overweight children in Western Change preposition
in
Countries
is caused by imbalanced nutrition
in their foods
and it affects their health
. Furthermore
, the rise of unhealthy people will affect the demand for medical facilities in these countries
. Because of that, the government should create food
policies that control the ingredients
in any production of foods
.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph logically follows the previous one, and use more connective words like 'furthermore', 'however', and 'for example' to strengthen the cohesion.
task achievement
Ensure that all the main points are expanded with a sufficient number of relevant examples. This will enhance the clarity and depth of the ideas presented.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which reinforces the overall structure and focus.
task achievement
The essay identifies specific causes of the trend (dietary habits) and suggests a concrete solution (food policies), showcasing a good understanding of the task requirements.
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