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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some countries have introduced laws to limit working hours for employees. Why are these laws introduced? Do you think they are a positive or negative development?

Recently, an increasing number of countries have decided to introduce
laws
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 to limit working
hours
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 for those
employees
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.
This
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 decision can be illustrated by many reasons,
such
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 as the balance between
work
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 and life,
as well as
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 the health and productivity of
employees
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. Though that issue has
both
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 advantages and drawbacks,
it is clear that
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 the advantages outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
.
Basiclly
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Basically
, the primary purpose of those
laws
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 is to make it easier to balance
lifes
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life
lives
 and jobs. Excessive working
hours
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 will reduce
work
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 efficiency and diminish the power to push individuals to
work
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 hard for
the
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apply
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wages.
For instance
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, research has
came
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come
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 up with
an
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the
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 idea that
employees
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 whose working
hours
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 are shorter usually can be more productive and creative during their working time, with a higher level of positive energy.
Hence
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,
such
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 a policy can significantly benefit
both
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 entrepreneurs and
employees
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 by enhancing output, job
saticfaction
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satisfaction
 and the activeness of working. What's more, limiting working
hours
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 can
also
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 lower the percentage of health problems happening. Long working
hours
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 will lead to
both
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 physical and mental diseases.
For example
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, nations like South Korea, which requires
a really long working
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really long working hours
a really long working hour
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hours
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, offer
people
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 with a stressful daily life and
higher
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a higher
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 possibility of the problem in waist, heart and head
happened
Verb problem
apply
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. With a lower standard of healthy life, most of those
people
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 will suffer from more than just diseases. If South Korea can shorten the working
hours
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, individuals can have more purchasing power
due to
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 the falling healthcare costs,
thus
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 benefiting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic growth. Critics may argue that it cannot be always
benefitial
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beneficial
 because of the lack of
employees
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 who can
working
Change the verb form
work
be working
show examples
 for a long time and the decreasing competitiveness.
However
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,
this
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 phenomenon only will happen in
short
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the short
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 run. In
long
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the long
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 run, with a healthy cycle of finishing programs,
both
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of
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apply
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the entrepreneurs and
employees
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 can have a better performance in their
work
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,
along side
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alongside
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with
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apply
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a creative, smart and active brain.
Furthermore
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, after adapting
those
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to those
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 circumstances, more jobs in companies will be provided, leading to less unemployment,
while
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also
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having
Verb problem
making
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 efforts
in increasing
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to increase
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 the output of those companies.
As a result
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, national markets can have the opportunity to widen the range of goods and
industies
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industries
, to develop more scarce resources, and to higher
people
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's real income which encourages them to buy more products in the market. So it is
evidently
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evident
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 that the advantages outweigh the drawbacks. In conclusion, though
there're
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there are
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 still many critical thinking points that cannot agree, it is indeed a great choice to make
such
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laws
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. The introduction of
laws
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 to limit working
hours
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 is a significantly positive development in the government
work
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 to provide more welfare to
people
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 who are living in the country.

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task achievement
Consider revising sections for conciseness. Some sentences are wordy and could be clearer with fewer words.
task achievement
Ensure that all main points are expanded adequately to give a comprehensive support for each argument.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases and try to use a broader range of linking words to enhance fluency.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic effectively and follows a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
Examples provided effectively illustrate the points made, particularly those relating to productivity and health issues.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical progression of ideas and uses paragraphs well to separate different arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Burnout
  • 2. Work-life balance
  • 3. Productivity
  • 4. Diminishing returns
  • 5. Ethical responsibility
  • 6. Exploitation
  • 7. Fair labor practices
  • 8. Chronic illnesses
  • 9. Job creation
  • 10. Unemployment rates
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