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Band 5.5

Many people like to eat unhealthy food even though they know that it is bad for them. Why is this the cause? What measures can effectively improve people’s unhealthy eating habits?

#people #food #measures #people’s #habits
These days, a lot of
people
 tend to eat unhealthy
food
 even though they know that it is not good for them. There are several reasons for
this
. First of all, unhealthy
food
 usually includes too much
salt
, which prevents
people
 from stopping eating it. When
people
 eat
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
 which contains a lot of
salt
, they will feel that it tastes good.
For example
, in Japan, most of the owners of
Ramen
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
 controls the amount of
salt
 that they add to their
ramen
.
This
 is because
ramen
 with much
salt
 will make
people
 feel like eating it again.
As a result
, most
people
 in Japan go to
ramen
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
 over and over. For
this
 problem, the government should take
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
action to enact
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 law that makes all restaurants show the amount of
salt
 put
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 each menu. In
this
 way, customers can
caluculate
Correct your spelling
calculate
 how much
salt
 they intake by eating the dishes, which will lead to making an opportunity to think about their eating habits.
Second,
healthy
food
 is usually extremely expensive.
People
 who are busy
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their work or study cannot cook themselves
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. When they get
food
 outside, the cost of buying healthy foods is higher than the one of consuming unhealthy ones. That's why
people
 end up choosing unhealthy
food
 in terms of
costs
Fix the agreement mistake
cost
show examples
. To solve
this
 problem, the government should provide
food
 companies which offer
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
health
 products with subsidies so that they can reduce the price of their products, which will make it easier for consumers to buy healthy
food
. There is a general trend that more and more
people
 tend to eat unhealthy
food
 in their daily lives. In order to figure out
this
 problem, the effort of government will be necessary.
Submitted by m.kiyosu1997 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions for smoother coherence.
task achievement
Provide more varied examples to reinforce arguments.
coherence cohesion
Strong and clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Effective use of specific example relating to ramen shops in Japan.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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