IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The adults
teaching
Wrong verb form
teach
show examples
people
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
traditional
ideas
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as how to live
Change preposition
in as
show examples
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 traditional and behave.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 other
people
Use synonyms
 argue that these
ideas
Use synonyms
 are not useful for kids and teenagers.
However
Linking Words
, I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and believe that
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 from our grandparents
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 helpful
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. First of all, our grandparents
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to teach us
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the good things. So, there are a lot of variants of good things from traditional
ideas
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, our century has not changed too much to the do not listen advices from old
generations
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, we still have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
schools and teachers which already
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 50 years ago. Nowadays still existing
band
Fix the agreement mistake
bands
show examples
or
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 with bad behaviour
such
Linking Words
 as violence and crime. For
this
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 still
existing
Verb problem
have
show examples
 the same laws and codes. So, at least
old
Fix the agreement mistake
the older
show examples
generations
Use synonyms
 have
a experiences
Correct the article-noun agreement
experiences
an experience
show examples
 about our life and know the solutions
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
.
For instance
Linking Words
, my grandfather's friend was
criminal
Correct article usage
a criminal
show examples
. After our meeting, he taught me and explained the disadvantages of crime.
Due to
Linking Words
 his stories, I really understood that fact, that there are not exist any advantages of crime.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the traditional
ideas
Use synonyms
 were not bad. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 used by our older
generations
Use synonyms
. The traditional
foods
Use synonyms
 were always healthy
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
. If we compare
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
foods
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as junk
foods
Use synonyms
 and ice creams with traditional
foods
Use synonyms
, it is obvious that traditional
foods
Use synonyms
 overweight present
foods
Use synonyms
 in every part of
compare
Verb problem
the comparison
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, In my country there
a
Add a missing verb
are a
show examples
lot of traditional
foods
Use synonyms
 which have a lot of carbohydrates and proteins in their compositions.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 currently popular
foods
Use synonyms
Add a missing verb
are fully
show examples
fully
Change the word
full
show examples
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 fats and sugars. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account,
mentality
Correct article usage
the mentality
show examples
 and upbringing of our grandparents are useful to
out
Correct your spelling
our
show examples
 behaviour and life, and I easily can say that we should listen
Change preposition
to advices
show examples
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 from
old
Fix the agreement mistake
the older
show examples
generations
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Clarify your main points and how they relate to the question. For example, make a clear statement about the value of traditional ideas and how they prepare younger generations for modern life. Ensure your essay fully addresses both the traditional and modern perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing your paragraphs more effectively. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Ensure ideas flow logically from one to the next with appropriate transitions.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and supports your argument, reinforcing your perspective on the value of traditional ideas.
task achievement
The inclusion of personal examples, such as the story about your grandfather, strengthens your argument and provides concrete support for your views.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Traditional ideas
  • Modern life
  • Younger generations
  • Stability
  • Guidance
  • Foundation
  • Cultural heritage
  • Rigid gender roles
  • Resistance to new technologies
  • Adaptability
  • Innovative solutions
  • Respecting elders
  • Maintaining family bonds
  • Stifle progress
  • Fusion of ideas
  • Outdated values
What to do next:
Look at other essays: