IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

“In spite of the advantages made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry.” Why is this case? What can be done about this problem?

Although
Linking Words
 many advancements in
farming
Correct article usage
the farming
show examples
industy
Correct your spelling
industry
 have happened, there are still numerous individuals who are starving. there do exist a number of reasons in which
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 crises have
occurrd
Correct your spelling
occurred
such
Linking Words
 as unequal distributions of
crops
Use synonyms
 and limited access to them for all
people
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one of the key factors of
this
Linking Words
 issue is that distribution of the
crops
Use synonyms
 and farming
products
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not equal among
people
Use synonyms
. Many
access
Add a missing verb
have access
show examples
 to vast
arry
Correct your spelling
areas
 of
crops
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 there are
people
Use synonyms
 who do not.
For example
Linking Words
, some fruits cultivated
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the equator are not available in many countries like Iran.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the prices of some
crops
Use synonyms
 are not affordable for all individuals.
Thus
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 do not have affordability, can not provide some
crops
Use synonyms
 for themself. Some
crops
Use synonyms
 are expensive because of the
cost
Use synonyms
 of transporting them from other countries. To better
ilustrate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
, in Iran, some fruits which are from
foregon
Correct your spelling
foreign
 countries are extremely expensive and not anyone is able to purchase them. To
takle
Correct your spelling
tackle
take
 the catastrophe of giving supply to all individuals equally, the governments should consider a particular transportation system designed for agricultural
products
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
Transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
 system
assisst
Correct your spelling
assists
 to easier transmitting
crops
Use synonyms
 from the land cultivated to markets.
Moreover
Linking Words
, to address the problem of expensive
crops
Use synonyms
, some greenhouses could be established in order to produce the same
products
Use synonyms
 which are just in other
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
, the
cost
Use synonyms
 of transportation will drop and
consequently
Linking Words
 the
cost
Use synonyms
 of the
crops
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, to
takle
Correct your spelling
tackle
take
 the issue of starving
people
Use synonyms
, a well-designed
trasportation
Correct your spelling
transportation
 system for agricultural
products
Use synonyms
 can help to
distribution
Replace the word
distribute
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them.
Also
Linking Words
, building
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
greenhouses can reduce the
cost
Use synonyms
 of transmitting and
people
Use synonyms
 can buy them
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
.

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames your argument. However, make sure that the introduction clearly defines the problem before diving into the reasons or solutions.
relevant specific examples
To improve Task Response, ensure that each example you provide is specifically tied to the points you're discussing. For instance, when discussing the transportation systems, clarifying how this would work in practice could strengthen your argument.
logical structure
To enhance clarity and coherence, pay attention to minor grammatical errors and word choices, such as 'Industry' instead of 'industy' and 'array' instead of 'arry.'
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a strong structure with a clear introduction and a considered conclusion, ensuring that your argument is well framed.
complete response
You've effectively identified key issues and proposed solutions, which shows a good understanding of the topic. This lays a solid foundation for a convincing argument.
logical structure
The essay is logically structured, with points ordered in a coherent sequence that aids understanding.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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