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Writing Samples
Band 5

By punishing murderers with the death penalty, society is also guilt of committing murder. Therefore, life in prison is a better punishment for murderers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? (AGREE)

#murderers #death #penalty #society #guilt #murder #life #prison #punishment
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Death
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The death
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penalty
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 is the subject of significant debate today. Executing murders to
death
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 could lead to
guiltness
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guilt
,
hence
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, some
people
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 believe putting
murderers
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for
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in
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 imprisonment would be a better way. In my opinion, I
am not agree
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do not agree
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 with
this
Linking Words
 concept because it may arouse numerous problems.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a lifelong sentence for
murderers
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 causes
financial
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a financial
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 burden
of
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on
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society
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 and it might result in a
phenamenon
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phenomenon
 of
people
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intenting
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intending
to be
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on being
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 imprisoned owing to the life without spending their own money.
For keeping
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Keeping
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 a criminal in
prison
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 till their
death
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 could cost a substantial amount of money for the government.
As a result
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,
people
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 need to pay extra for those notorious
murderers
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. From the public's perspective,
this
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 is a waste of money for keeping these monsters.
Furthermore
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, it had happened in reality that some
people
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 broke the rules on purpose in order to be imprisoned as they wanted to live freely in
prison
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.
Such
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 an example demonstrates the drawback of imprisoned punishment for
murderers
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.
Additionally
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, the
death
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penalty
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 could deter
people
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 from
commiting
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committing
 crimes, which
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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 the safety of
society
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.
Murderers
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 take other
people
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's lives, so they should be punished by being taken away their lives too.
Otherwise
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, more
people
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 will take murder as nothing, resulting in a more chaotic world.
However
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,
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death
Add an article
the death
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penalty
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 is
also
Linking Words
 attended by the controversy of morality. Some
people
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 believe that executing
death
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 is not a proper way, as
murderers
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 might have the potential to retrieve their kindness and
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be educated to be good.
Also
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, some of the murder cases are driven by the mental issue, which is
also
Linking Words
 a controversial topic in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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. In
coclusion
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conclusion
, I believe the
death
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penalty
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 has its importance to dissuade
people
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 from offending crimes.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, putting
murderers
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 in
prison
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 could be a burdensome issue weighing in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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.
As a result
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,
ife
Correct your spelling
life
 in
prison
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 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
not a better punishment for
murderers
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.
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task achievement
Clarify your position in the introduction. While you state 'I am not agree,' it's unclear whether you support or oppose the death penalty initially.
task achievement
Develop your points with more specific and relevant examples to better illustrate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps structure your argument.
task achievement
You address potential counterarguments, such as moral considerations and mental health issues.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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