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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevan

The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevan
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The graph displayed a fluctuation
change
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
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 three important metals in 2014, they are copper,
nickel
Use synonyms
, and zinc. The graph illustrates the up and down of metal
prices
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
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every month.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
prices
Use synonyms
 of these metals turned down until June and
then
Linking Words
 increased in July.
To begin
Linking Words
,
nickel
Use synonyms
 was the one metal with a significant
change
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
price every month in 2014. it only takes 2 months, after January to May, the
change
Use synonyms
 of
nickel
Use synonyms
prices
Use synonyms
 dramatically went down from 6% to 1%.
Then
Linking Words
, it remained stable until June the price dropped again to -3%.
However
Linking Words
, it slightly increases to -1% in the next period.
Finally
Linking Words
, it reached 1%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the year. An opposite trend was different for zinc metal
prices
Use synonyms
. In February, only
this
Linking Words
 metal increases,
while
Linking Words
 others drop.
However
Linking Words
, a similar pattern of price changes of zinc was seen to be almost the same with
nickel
Use synonyms
 from June until December. an interesting pattern of copper
prices
Use synonyms
 shown to be relatively stagnant in
change
Use synonyms
. From the beginning to the end of the year, it stayed approximately at 2%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words change, nickel, prices with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "change" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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