IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Because of traffic and housing problems in the cities，the government encourages business move to the rural area. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, traffic problems step by step
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
 crowded and noise bigger problem
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 traffic.
Main
Add an article
The main
show examples
 matter is crowded because
people
Use synonyms
 want to live in capital cities
moreover
Linking Words
 so many
people
Use synonyms
's family or relatives live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there. Nobody
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to abandon their family. First of all,
Correct article usage
the gaven
show examples
gaven
Correct your spelling
given
 opinion is really good. I support
this
Linking Words
 idea. Rural areas
generally
Add a missing verb
are generally
show examples
 empty but
people
Use synonyms
doesn'
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
t
Use synonyms
 explore there. That's why if
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 propose some laws
people
Use synonyms
 understand and abide
Linking Words
Change preposition
by this
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 rules. We need to show some reality for human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
. Rural territories can be valuable because city life has so
much problem
Fix the agreement mistake
many problems
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 capital cities.
İf
Add the punctuation
İf,
show examples
 we can move rural field I think we can live more
comfortable
Change the word
comfortably
show examples
 as
result
Add an article
a result
show examples
 of there isn'
t
Use synonyms
 noise or
crowded
Replace the word
crowd
show examples
 and
lastly
Linking Words
 traffic. İ
t
Use synonyms
's so great idea for development and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
. İf human
being live
Replace the word
beings lived
show examples
more
Change preposition
in more
show examples
 quiet and relaxing
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 I'm sure they
can
Verb problem
would put
show examples
 more effort
for
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their work. Work
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
show examples
 or even weather conditions impact
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 that's why we have to change some things like home. Sometimes
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to another place
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
 idea.
People
Use synonyms
 will
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
 conductive
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
creative and constructive.
Finally
Linking Words
, as ı mentioned much more time.
People
Use synonyms
 should spread areas that
empty
Add a missing verb
are empty
show examples
. İf
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 don'
t
Use synonyms
 do
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
anything.
Definitely
Add a comma
Definitely,
show examples
 human brain function will
took
Change the verb form
take
show examples
 harm. As soon as possible we can change
this
Linking Words
 residential.
Linking Words
Otherwise
Add a comma
Otherwise,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 won'
t
Use synonyms
residential
Add a missing verb
be residential
show examples
 for living.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will help in illustrating your points more effectively.
task achievement
Make sure to address both advantages and disadvantages clearly, even if you believe one outweighs the other. This balance will enhance your task response score.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer introduction and conclusion to frame your essay. Restating the main points or summary in the conclusion could enhance coherence.
task achievement
You have demonstrated an understanding of the topic and provided a strong personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents some insightful ideas about the benefits of moving business to rural areas, such as improved work conditions and environment.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: