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Writing Samples
Band 5

The technology allowed us to have more ways to communicate. However, some people say that the internet and social network create more opportunities for conflicts and erase the line of respect and appropriateness. To what extent do you agree?

#technology #people #internet #network #opportunities #conflicts #line #respect #appropriateness
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“
Technology
 allowed us to have more ways to communicate.
However
, some people say that the
internet
 and social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 create more opportunities for conflicts and erase the line
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 respect and appropriateness. To what extent do you agree?” Over the
last
 half
century
Add a comma
century,
show examples
technology
 has increased beyond our expectations. We can see it every day because of the popularity of smartphones. Nowadays everyone has a phone with
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
internet
 on it. Because of
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 there are different extents of ways in which the
internet
 influences our life. One of the extents of
technology
 is that it helps us communicate with each other. We don’t have to wait till the letter
gots
Correct your spelling
gets
show examples
 to the recipient anymore because it happens for less than a second. So you and your friend can be in different countries but you still can communicate
as well as
 you could if you were sitting next to each other in a cafe.
Unfortunately
Add a comma
Unfortunately,
show examples
technology
 brings us not only good things but bad things as well.
For example
, the
internet
 and social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 create more opportunities for conflicts and erase the line
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 respect and appropriateness. It can happen because people are not scared to offend each other anymore. They just create an anonymous account and nobody ever finds out who texted them inappropriate things.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 you can be easily fooled because you can meet someone online and
then
 find out that
this
 person doesn’t exist and the worst part is that
iit
Correct your spelling
it
 would be the best outcome of
this
 situation. In conclusion, I tend to think that both extents
needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 to be noticed
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
technology
 helps us a lot every single day, we can have friends from all over the world and never feel lonely. But
on the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 when you use
technology
 you always need to be aware of what you are doing on the
internet
 and who you are talking to. You need to be sure just about everything because if you click on the wrong link you can lose money, or there will be a personal data leak.
Submitted by khotkina.ma on

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task achievement
Work on providing more specific and relevant examples to support your points, as this will make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Ensure that all points are fully explained and balanced to thoroughly address different aspects of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clearer logical progression in your arguments to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, setting up the essay and summarizing it effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the issue, showing an understanding of the complexity of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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