IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The technology allowed us to have more ways to communicate. However, some people say that the internet and social network create more opportunities for conflicts and erase the line of respect and appropriateness. To what extent do you agree?

5.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
“
Technology
Use synonyms
 allowed us to have more ways to communicate.
However
Linking Words
, some people say that the
internet
Use synonyms
 and social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 create more opportunities for conflicts and erase the line
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 respect and appropriateness. To what extent do you agree?”
Body paragraph 1
Over the
last
Linking Words
 half
century
Add a comma
century,
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 has increased beyond our expectations. We can see it every day because of the popularity of smartphones. Nowadays everyone has a phone with
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
internet
Use synonyms
 on it. Because of
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 there are different extents of ways in which the
internet
Use synonyms
 influences our life.
Body paragraph 2
One of the extents of
technology
Use synonyms
 is that it helps us communicate with each other. We don’t have to wait till the letter
gots
Correct your spelling
gets
show examples
 to the recipient anymore because it happens for less than a second. So you and your friend can be in different countries but you still can communicate
as well as
Linking Words
 you could if you were sitting next to each other in a cafe.
Body paragraph 3
Unfortunately
Add a comma
Unfortunately,
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 brings us not only good things but bad things as well.
For example
Linking Words
, the
internet
Use synonyms
 and social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 create more opportunities for conflicts and erase the line
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 respect and appropriateness. It can happen because people are not scared to offend each other anymore. They just create an anonymous account and nobody ever finds out who texted them inappropriate things.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 you can be easily fooled because you can meet someone online and
then
Linking Words
 find out that
this
Linking Words
 person doesn’t exist and the worst part is that
iit
Correct your spelling
it
 would be the best outcome of
this
Linking Words
 situation.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I tend to think that both extents
needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 to be noticed
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
technology
Use synonyms
 helps us a lot every single day, we can have friends from all over the world and never feel lonely. But
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 when you use
technology
Use synonyms
 you always need to be aware of what you are doing on the
internet
Use synonyms
 and who you are talking to. You need to be sure just about everything because if you click on the wrong link you can lose money, or there will be a personal data leak.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Work on providing more specific and relevant examples to support your points, as this will make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Ensure that all points are fully explained and balanced to thoroughly address different aspects of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clearer logical progression in your arguments to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, setting up the essay and summarizing it effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the issue, showing an understanding of the complexity of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays:
  • 6
    band

    in some countries, people are hiring a personal fitness trainer rather than playing sports or doing exercise classess what are the reason for this is this a positive or negative develpment

    Private trainers are in higher demand in several countries. Conducting the trainers has more benefit in performing sports or physical exercise as they can likely scan through a diet habit and the abilities of individuals that can perform during the session. I believe that there would be a positive impact from getting a private trainer instead of doing class activities. Nowadays, more and more people build a healthy habit by making time to go to the gym and eating clean. Going to the gym doesn't help a person get into shape; thus, this is where the private instructor gets involved. To be honest, hiring the instructor is costly, but he or she helps to advise on good posture as well as knows various types of exercise that can benefit the targeted body parts. For example, adding extra weight to certain exercises when they believe that their trainee is capable. Moreover, fitness trainers are more likely to give suggestions on the series of meals that are essential for the body during the...
  • 6
    band

    What are your Achievements in 2023 and Revolutions in 2024

    Many things happened in 2023, and there were revolutions in 2024. Last year was a year of surprise and happiness because we bought a new house and gained Canadian citizenship. Firstly, my family was so lucky when we bought a house. We were fortunate because we found a pretty cheap house, but the house is still beautiful, big, and near everything. Our house was near school, the mall, and even downtown, making our transportation faster and taking less time. Secondly, we finally gained Canadian citizenship. My mom studied and worked hard every day for this. She spent time daily improving her English skills for IELTS and working hard to gain some plus points for a better chance of achieving Canadian citizenship. After all the work, she now has Canadian citizenship, and because of that, I became a Canadian citizen, too. To sum up, I bought a new house and became a Canadian citizen, making 2023 the best year in my life until now.
  • 6
    band

    Some people think that online reading materials are better for children. Others argues that traditional paper based resources are better. Discuss and give your opinion.

    There is no denying the fact that reading is a crucial thing to improve the child's mind. However, there is also an argument about what kind of materials are the best for kids, traditional paper or electronic paper. This essay will analyze this topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
  • 6
    band

    It is said that the education system is the most critical factor in the development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

    The role of education in national progress has long been a subject of debate among policymakers and scholars. While various factors such as economic stability, political governance, and technological innovation contribute to a country’s advancement, I firmly believe that a robust education system is the cornerstone of sustainable development. This is because education not only cultivates human capital but also fosters social cohesion and drives innovation.
  • 6
    band

    The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful to the individuals and the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    The question of whether the media should focus more on problems has sparked heated debate. Some argue that negative contents are harmful to individuals, while others see that problems and emergencies are worth the public’s attention. My personal idea is the latter should be more emphasized because media can actually provide in-time information for disaster forecasting or prevention. In this essay, I will elaborate more detail and provide my personal opinions.