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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some school children buy healthy food from the school cafeteria. However, some buy unhealthy food. What are the reasons for both these situations? Should schools be allowed to sell unhealthy food?

#school #children #food #cafeteria #buy #situations #schools
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Nowadays, some students
such
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 as primary and secondary will buy healthy and unhealthy
food
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 from the
school
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 cafeteria when in the recess
time
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.
About
Change preposition
This
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this
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 phenomenon, here are two reasons
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why
will make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
these
situations
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 and
schools
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 should
will
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
be allowed to sell unhealthy
food
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. First of all, the reason
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why have these
situations
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is because
school
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children
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have
Verb problem
are
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 hungry. When they buy
the
Correct article usage
apply
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healthy
food
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such
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 as salad and unhealthy
food
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, they can eat at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recess
time
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.
Therefore
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, they can explore the question about
hungry
Replace the word
hunger
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.
Also
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, in
this
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 case,
schools
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 should
will
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
be allowed to sell unhealthy
food
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. The reason is that
children
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 want to make up their energy. When
children
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 earn a lot of knowledge in the lesson, their energy will decrease at the same
time
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. So,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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unhealthy
food
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such
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 as potato chips, cola etc. It can
make
Verb problem
give
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 them
to get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more energy
for
Fix the infinitive
to for
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 prepare the next lesson.
Next,
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the other reason
of
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apply
show examples
why have these
situations
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 is that
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school
Correct your spelling
schoolchildren
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children
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 like different types of
food
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. They think these types of
food
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 can make them relax.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
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 process,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is because nowadays
schools
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 have a large
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
number of lessons
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 and have a lot of tests.
Children
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 buying and eating the
food
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 in the canteen can make them relax.
Also
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, in
this
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 case,
schools
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 must keep selling unhealthy
food
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.
Moreover
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, the student can have more chances to choose their favourite
food
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.
This
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 situation can improve their belonging
of
Change preposition
to
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 the
school
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. They will know that
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school
Correct article usage
the school
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 is caring and respecting them.
To conclude
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, these are the reasons
of
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apply
show examples
why will have these
situations
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 at
school
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 nowadays.
Also
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,
schools
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 should be allowed to sell unhealthy
food
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for
Change preposition
to
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recess
time
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.
This
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 phenomenon can keep
school
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 students having a happy
school
Use synonyms
 life.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task achievement
Try to clearly separate and elaborate on the reasons why students choose healthy versus unhealthy options.
task achievement
Include specific examples to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve sentence clarity and grammatical structure to avoid repetition.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea related to the topic.
task achievement
The writer attempts to provide a structured response by identifying specific reasons.
coherence cohesion
There is an introduction and conclusion, which helps organize the essay.
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