IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the government should spend more money in putting in more works of art like painting and statutes in cities to make them better places to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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How likely
Use synonyms
people
Add a missing verb
are people
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love
Fix the infinitive
to love
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arts
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? It is thought for some
people
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 that placing
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art
Correct your spelling
artworks
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works
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 like
painting
Fix the agreement mistake
paintings
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 and
statues
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 in
cities
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 will make
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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better places to live in. Personally, I believe that
Use synonyms
art
Correct your spelling
artworks
show examples
works
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 undoubtedly add attractions to the
cities
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, but
compromises
Correct subject-verb agreement
compromise
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huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 amount of money to spend for putting more
Use synonyms
art
Correct your spelling
artworks
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works
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, it leads to tourist attractions we can offer to
people
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I strongly agree that the government should spend money
for
Change preposition
on
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 the artworks they will build in the
cities
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. To start with, places with
statues
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considered
Add a missing verb
are considered
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as
Change preposition
apply
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a landmark for every
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cities
Change to a singular noun
city
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 we visit which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
makes it unique in some way.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, it helps boost the tourist of a place which offers attractions related to
arts
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.
For example
Linking Words
,
statue
Add an article
a statue
the statue
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 of Liberty in New York City serves as
Correct article usage
a tourists'
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tourists'
Change noun form
tourists
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 attraction to the
people
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 which
Wrong verb form
results
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resulted
Add the preposition
resulted in
resulted from
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 high income
to
Change preposition
for
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 the city.
Secondly
Linking Words
, paintings
were
Wrong verb form
are
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also
Linking Words
 give additional attraction to
cities
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especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 to those
people
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 who find
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arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
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as
Change preposition
to
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 part of their human being.
For example
Linking Words
, some
people
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 are good
in
Change preposition
at
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 painting which they can use to enhance their talent and pursue it to make a living.
However
Linking Words
,
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
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in
Change preposition
of
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 maintaining
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art
Correct your spelling
artworks
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works
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 like paintings and
statues
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 high,
it
Correct word choice
but it
show examples
 will still help the community to become
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 place to live in. In conclusion, there is no question that putting
Use synonyms
art
Correct your spelling
artwork
show examples
works
Use synonyms
 in the
cities
Use synonyms
 will make
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 a better place to live in,
although
Linking Words
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 cost
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
maintaining
Replace the word
maintenance
show examples
 is high. Aside from that,
people
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 with talents in
arts
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 will be given the chance to showcase their talents.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I strongly agree that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should support the improvement of
cities
Use synonyms
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 building
statues
Use synonyms
 and paintings.

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task achievement
Try to clarify your main arguments and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea.
coherence cohesion
Enhance connections between sentences and paragraphs using linking words or phrases, like furthermore, however, on the other hand, etc.
task achievement
Consider providing more detailed examples or expanding on how art affects communities to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains both a clear introduction and conclusion, and the overall argument is cohesive.
task achievement
You provide a relevant and specific example of the Statue of Liberty, which supports your point on tourist attraction.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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