IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the government should spend more money in putting in more works of art like painting and statutes in cities to make them better places to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #works #art #statutes #cities #places
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
How likely
people
Add a missing verb
are people
show examples
love
Fix the infinitive
to love
show examples
arts
? It is thought for some
people
 that placing
art
Correct your spelling
artworks
show examples
works
 like
painting
Fix the agreement mistake
paintings
show examples
 and
statues
 in
cities
 will make
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better places to live in. Personally, I believe that
art
Correct your spelling
artworks
show examples
works
 undoubtedly add attractions to the
cities
, but
compromises
Correct subject-verb agreement
compromise
show examples
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 amount of money to spend for putting more
art
Correct your spelling
artworks
show examples
works
,
however
, it leads to tourist attractions we can offer to
people
.
Therefore
, I strongly agree that the government should spend money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the artworks they will build in the
cities
. To start with, places with
statues
considered
Add a missing verb
are considered
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a landmark for every
cities
Change to a singular noun
city
show examples
 we visit which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
makes it unique in some way.
In addition
 to that, it helps boost the tourist of a place which offers attractions related to
arts
.
For example
,
statue
Add an article
a statue
the statue
show examples
 of Liberty in New York City serves as
Correct article usage
a tourists'
show examples
tourists'
Change noun form
tourists
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 attraction to the
people
 which
Wrong verb form
results
show examples
resulted
Add the preposition
resulted in
resulted from
show examples
 high income
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the city.
Secondly
, paintings
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
also
 give additional attraction to
cities
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 to those
people
 who find
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
 part of their human being.
For example
, some
people
 are good
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 painting which they can use to enhance their talent and pursue it to make a living.
However
,
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 maintaining
art
Correct your spelling
artworks
show examples
works
 like paintings and
statues
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 high,
it
Correct word choice
but it
show examples
 will still help the community to become
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 place to live in. In conclusion, there is no question that putting
art
Correct your spelling
artwork
show examples
works
 in the
cities
 will make
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 a better place to live in,
although
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 cost
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
maintaining
Replace the word
maintenance
show examples
 is high. Aside from that,
people
 with talents in
arts
 will be given the chance to showcase their talents.
Therefore
, I strongly agree that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should support the improvement of
cities
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 building
statues
 and paintings.
Submitted by rodadoctor2 on

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task achievement
Try to clarify your main arguments and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea.
coherence cohesion
Enhance connections between sentences and paragraphs using linking words or phrases, like furthermore, however, on the other hand, etc.
task achievement
Consider providing more detailed examples or expanding on how art affects communities to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains both a clear introduction and conclusion, and the overall argument is cohesive.
task achievement
You provide a relevant and specific example of the Statue of Liberty, which supports your point on tourist attraction.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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