The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Show ideas and vocabulary / Find essays with the same topic
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There is no denying the fact that children overweight number has increased to almost 20% in the
last
ten years. This
essay will discuss the causes and effects
of this
disturbing trend. To begin
with, there are many causes for overweight children. Firstly
, children in
Change preposition
apply
this
days Correct determiner usage
these
are
spend all day Unnecessary verb
apply
and
playing Correct word choice
apply
on
video games, Change preposition
apply
in other
words
they do not move or do any physical activities in the past kids Add a comma
words,
are
played together in the street. Unnecessary verb
apply
In addition
, food
plays a significant role in this
topic in thesedays
Correct your spelling
these days
kid's
Change noun form
kid
food
has become more and more unhealthy they eating fast food
, for example
, there is a study says consumers number of fast food
is increased 10 per cent last
10 years. In terms of effects
that will be after a while
first,
overweight will effects
Correct your spelling
affect
on
Change preposition
apply
them
health and there are a lot of diseases related to overweight like heart Change the pronoun
their
diseases
. It is Fix the agreement mistake
disease
also
possible to say that they will be not able to play or do daily things like normal walk
, and he can do any sports like swimming or playing football games with his friends. Replace the word
walking
Moreover
, it will efects
on them education side because they can not focus on their studies. Correct your spelling
effects
For instance
, if they have sports class maybe they can not play or they get tired quickly. In conclusion, there are many causes for overweight kids. It is also
true that the effects
of this
disturbing trend.Submitted by mona11omar33 on
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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly. Consider using paragraphs to separate different points or ideas (e.g., one for causes, one for effects).
task achievement
Try to develop each point with more detailed examples or explanations to improve your task response score.
language
Double-check your grammar and word choice to enhance clarity and precision.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both the causes and effects of the issue, showing your understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction stating the topic and your intentions for the essay.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion