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Band 3.5

Some people work for the same organisation al their working life. Other think that it is better to work for different companies. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #work #organisation #life #companies
Working in the same
company
 for a long time can give to employer high status and loyalty among colleagues.
However
, frequently switching
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 can give the experiences of different places and improve adapting skills. Working in one
company
 may give many benefits.
In addition
,
employer
Add an article
the employer
an employer
show examples
 will be highly engaged
respected
Correct word choice
and respected
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due to
 depth
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 of the
company
 culture and strong relationships with other workers.
For example
, by having good
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
 within
company
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the company
a company
show examples
, it can be easier to achieve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
promotion.
Therefore
 unchanging the job has a positive impact on personal and financial stability.
On the other hand
, working place should not stay the same for a long period.
Frequency
Correct article usage
The frequency
show examples
 of changing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 can make
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 impact on communication skills and provide
amount
Add an article
the amount
an amount
show examples
 of facilities.
For example
, it will be very helpful for future
businessman
Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
show examples
 to have more contacts and by working in different places, they will be able to make their circle of friends larger.
Therefore
, people need to switch their workplace at least once at five years, it may let to have
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 kith. In my point of view,
this
 is not necessarily to change the
company
, if the worker feels
himself
Remove the pronoun
apply
show examples
comfortable.
However
, the reasons for changing the
company
 may be poor working conditions, problems with colleagues or bad remuneration.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider making clearer transitions between paragraphs. Using linking words such as 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'Finally' can improve the flow and connectivity of ideas.
Task Achievement
Try to develop each point a bit further with more detailed explanations and varied examples to make your arguments more compelling and comprehensive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph focuses on a single central idea and explore it thoroughly to enhance clarity.
Task Achievement
You have provided a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the task.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly present the main topic and your opinion, which effectively frame the essay.
Task Achievement
The examples provided are relevant and help to illustrate the arguments, adding to the essay's persuasiveness.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job security
  • company culture
  • relationships and network
  • opportunities for promotions
  • job satisfaction
  • pride
  • valued assets
  • in-depth knowledge
  • personal and professional growth
  • diverse experiences
  • broader skill set
  • adaptability skills
  • career opportunities
  • job insecurity
  • company loyalty
  • continuous need to prove oneself
  • professional growth
  • strategic transitions
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