IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is good thing. others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each others. discuss both views and give you own opinion

#people #competition #work #school #life
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Albeit
Correct word choice
Although
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 some individuals assert that rivalry in an academic or a professional atmosphere is beneficial , some would argue that collaboration should be prioritised over
competion agains
Correct your spelling
competition against
 each other . I hold the position that a healthy
copetitive
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competitive
 environment potentially
increase
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increases
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 the employee’s productivity and students’ knowledge . On the one hand, competing in both schools or companies encourages individuals to thrive and improve one’s personal abilities , contributing to more efficiency. Considering financial incentives for
perssonel
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personal
personnel
make
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makes
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 them motivated
performing
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to perform
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 better in their workplace in order to be promoted or
acheive
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achieve
bonus
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a bonus
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.
Additionally
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 , it would be similar for students since competition
serve
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serves
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 as a tool for motivating children to actively engage in class activities , which
enhance
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enhances
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 their
understading
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understanding
.
For instance
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 , In European countries , new teaching methods are implemented
such
Linking Words
 as holding some
readin
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reading
 or musical
competions
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competitions
even in their extra curriculum to develop and nurture their talents.
On the other hand
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, it is argued that competition could stimulate
the
Correct article usage
a
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sence
Correct your spelling
sense
 of jealousy , resulting
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in
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law-breaking and
reduction
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a reduction
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 of ethical values.
While
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 individuals are striving to
overpreform
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overperform
over preform
 their peer group they are more likely to violate other’s privacy and
right
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rights
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 with the aim of
wining
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winning
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 a rivalry.
This
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 would create an unfriendly ambience which
lead
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leads
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 to developing negative features in a person. To clarify my point , some people tend to fail
building
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to build
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 a positive
relation
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relationship
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 with their
coleague
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colleague
colleagues
while
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 they are competing with each other for a promotion , so
that
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apply
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They might rat on each other or gossip about their personal
life
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lives
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 to tarnish their
reputaion
Correct your spelling
reputation
.
To conclude
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 ,
Although
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 competition could have adverse effects , as far as
i
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I
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 am concerned it not only benefits teenagers to improve their skills and knowledge but
also
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enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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work
Correct article usage
the work
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 population’s productivity.
Submitted by naghnagh2727 on

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task achievement
Strengthen your use of specific examples to support your points. Consider adding more precise or diverse examples that clearly illustrate each argument.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is well-structured overall, consider enhancing the coherence between paragraphs. Use linking words or phrases more explicitly to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear entry and exit to your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view on the topic, considering both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is strong, with distinct sections dedicated to both viewpoints and your opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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