IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is good thing. others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each others. discuss both views and give you own opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Albeit
Correct word choice
Although
show examples
 some individuals assert that rivalry in an academic or a professional atmosphere is beneficial , some would argue that collaboration should be prioritised over
competion agains
Correct your spelling
competition against
 each other . I hold the position that a healthy
copetitive
Correct your spelling
competitive
 environment potentially
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 the employee’s productivity and students’ knowledge . On the one hand, competing in both schools or companies encourages individuals to thrive and improve one’s personal abilities , contributing to more efficiency. Considering financial incentives for
perssonel
Correct your spelling
personal
personnel
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them motivated
performing
Change the verb form
to perform
show examples
 better in their workplace in order to be promoted or
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
bonus
Correct article usage
a bonus
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
 , it would be similar for students since competition
serve
Change the verb form
serves
show examples
 as a tool for motivating children to actively engage in class activities , which
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
show examples
 their
understading
Correct your spelling
understanding
.
For instance
Linking Words
 , In European countries , new teaching methods are implemented
such
Linking Words
 as holding some
readin
Correct your spelling
reading
 or musical
competions
Correct your spelling
competitions
even in their extra curriculum to develop and nurture their talents.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is argued that competition could stimulate
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
 of jealousy , resulting
Change preposition
in
show examples
law-breaking and
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
show examples
 of ethical values.
While
Linking Words
 individuals are striving to
overpreform
Correct your spelling
overperform
over preform
 their peer group they are more likely to violate other’s privacy and
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
 with the aim of
wining
Correct your spelling
winning
show examples
 a rivalry.
This
Linking Words
 would create an unfriendly ambience which
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to developing negative features in a person. To clarify my point , some people tend to fail
building
Change the verb form
to build
show examples
 a positive
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
 with their
coleague
Correct your spelling
colleague
colleagues
while
Linking Words
 they are competing with each other for a promotion , so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
They might rat on each other or gossip about their personal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 to tarnish their
reputaion
Correct your spelling
reputation
.
To conclude
Linking Words
 ,
Although
Linking Words
 competition could have adverse effects , as far as
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am concerned it not only benefits teenagers to improve their skills and knowledge but
also
Linking Words
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
show examples
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
 population’s productivity.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Strengthen your use of specific examples to support your points. Consider adding more precise or diverse examples that clearly illustrate each argument.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is well-structured overall, consider enhancing the coherence between paragraphs. Use linking words or phrases more explicitly to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear entry and exit to your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view on the topic, considering both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is strong, with distinct sections dedicated to both viewpoints and your opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: