In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impacts of ageing populations.
The advancement in technology,
have
improved the health of the Change the verb form
has
people
leading to longer age
. Upcoming writing will discuss that unemployement
will Correct your spelling
unemployment
incline
if older Verb problem
increase
people
would
not leave Verb problem
do
work
force. Correct your spelling
the
Whereas
, setting a fix
retirement Replace the word
fixed
age
and creating new
Correct article usage
a new
job
can resolve the issue.
While
elder people
will keep on doing their jobs, then
new job
vacancies will not be avaliable
for the Correct your spelling
available
for
youth.Change preposition
apply
This
will lead to the
Correct article usage
apply
unemployement
among the Correct your spelling
unemployment
yongster
because older Correct your spelling
youngster
youngsters
people
will not leave their job
and there will be no hiring for the newcomers. Hence
, youngsters will not get job
opportunity
, as positions are not vacant by the current Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
job
holders.
This
problem can be resolved by fixing the age
for retirement, due to
this
when people
will reach there
60's Correct your spelling
their
then
they can retire and new openings can be created for youth. Moreover
, new job
opportunities can be created to cope-up
with Correct your spelling
cope
unemployement
. Correct your spelling
unemployment
Hence
, fixing the reitrement
Correct your spelling
retirement
age
and creating new jobs can reduce the unemployement
.
Correct your spelling
unemployment
According to
me, it is good that humans can leave
longer but it is important to balance Correct your spelling
live
of
opportunities for youngsters and elderly Change preposition
apply
people
. It is important for regime
to take important initiatives like giving loans to startup Add an article
the regime
business
so that more jobs are created.
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
Cinsidering
all the points above, Correct your spelling
Considering
although
incline
in Correct article usage
an incline
age
of common Add an article
the age
an age
people
will lead to leave
to Change the verb form
leaving
unemployement
, Correct your spelling
unemployment
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
this
can be resolved by setting a
Change the article
an
age
for retirement and creating more job
opportunities for the youth.Submitted by simrantiwana1086 on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, aim to make the connections between ideas clearer and more seamless.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your logical structure by clearly outlining each point and ensuring that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Support your claims with specific examples or data to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the question, considering both individual and societal impacts of an ageing population.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the discussion well.
task achievement
The concern about unemployment due to an ageing workforce is well-identified as a potential problem.
task achievement
The essay suggests practical solutions, such as setting a retirement age and creating new jobs.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.