IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Many governments in the world spend large amounts of money on art, which helps to improve the quality of people’s lives. However, governments should spend money on other things rather than art. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

#governments #world #amounts #money #art #quality #people’s #lives
A
lot
 of
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
 in global
expenduter
Correct your spelling
expend
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 amount of income on some
art
. Personally, l disagree that
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 spend a
lot
 of money on not benefits thing.ln
this
eassy
Correct your spelling
essay
easy
, l will
is discussing that
Wrong verb form
discuss
show examples
 the reason
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 using
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
 from
sultan
Capitalize word
Sultan
show examples
 Qaboos
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 to demonstrate and provide
Correct article usage
an
show examples
argument and l write my personal view. There are some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 of the
expenduter
Correct your spelling
expenditure
 of revenue.
The
Correct article usage
First
show examples
first,
there are do not everyone
interest
Replace the word
interested
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
art
 and
see
Correct subject-verb agreement
sees
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. To explain,
mony
Correct your spelling
many
people
keen
Add a missing verb
are keen
show examples
 the
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
such
 as football, and baseball ball.
For example
, a study conducted at Sultan Qaboos
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 shows that 99% of
people
 watch matches in
Add an article
the stadium
a stadium
show examples
stadium
Fix the agreement mistake
stadiums
show examples
 rather than follow
art
 in
musume
Correct your spelling
music
.
This
, the nation
expenes
Correct your spelling
expenses
expense
 of money on benefit sport.
Secondly
, a
lot
 of
people
 live in
city
Add an article
the city
a city
show examples
 and do not keen interest
and
Change preposition
in and
show examples
interesting
Replace the word
interest
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
art
however
interesting
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
another thing and
government
 should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
pilot
this
 fund to unemployees to lead and improve that talent for youth.
For instance
,a
recently
Change the word
recent
show examples
 scientific research by Sultan Qaboos University demonstrated that 100% of
of
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
unemployees among
22s
Correct your spelling
22
 to
35s
Correct your spelling
35
 have
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 career, and
also
 tax-payers pay the tax for
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
people
. In conclusion,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
commissed
Correct your spelling
commissioned
commission
 a
lot
 of income to
adverise
Correct your spelling
advertise
art
, but
this
don
Change the verb form
dons
show examples
 not
again
Correct your spelling
gain
show examples
 any benefit. I disagree
that
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
government
 expenditure of money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
 because the nation
do
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not
interest
Replace the word
interested
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
art
 and it is harmless to unemployees.
Submitted by Loody on

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task response
Clarify your stance throughout the essay. Make sure your opinion is evident in each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Be sure to include both an introduction and a conclusion that clearly reflect the essay’s main argument.
coherence cohesion
Review the organization of your paragraphs, ensuring each contains a clear main point supported by specific details.
task response
Avoid generalizations without evidence and try to provide relevant examples and details to support your argument.
task response
The essay attempts to provide specific examples, like Sultan Qaboos University, to support arguments, which is helpful for illustrating points.
coherence cohesion
Efforts are made to present reasons for the opinion, indicating some logical flow in the thought process.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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