IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Fossil fuel, such as coal, oil and natural gas, is extensively used in many countries which cause harms to the environment. The use of alternative sources of energy, including wind and solar power, however, is being encouraged in many countries. Is this a positive or negative development?

#fuel #oil #gas #countries #environment #alternative #sources #energy #wind #power #development
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Nowadays,
due to
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 the growing number of people on the earth, there is a vast demand for fuel. Meanwhile, the majority of them are dependent on fossil
fuels
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 like oil, gas, and coal.
On the other hand
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, the use of renewable
fuels
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such
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 as solar and wind power is increasing. I heartfully believe that the expanding
od
Correct your spelling
of
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 alternative
energy
Use synonyms
sources
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 is a positive development, and the reasons will be discussed below. To commence
with
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apply
show examples
, one reason for substituting fossil
fuels
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 with renewable
energy
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sources
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 is related to their potential to reduce air pollution.
In other words
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, human expansion on the earth caused many drastic changes. The different kinds of non-renewable oils are
using
Wrong verb form
used
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 for transferring individuals by planes, ships, and trains. It must be considered that using these facilities could lead to air contamination, and replacing them with
more
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apply
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cleaner ones could affect the air quality immensely.
For instance
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, based on
researches
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research
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, the highest amount of CO2 is detectable in airports and train stations, which shows these places impact on the environment.
On the other hand
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, by replacing fossil oils with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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clean
energy
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sources
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 the environment will be saved from drastic
damages
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damage
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. Humankind is altering the earth negatively in his
favor
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favour
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. Specifically, the jungles are the main target of
this
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 manipulation. By changing the shape of
environment
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the environment
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, the flora and fauna will be encountered with danger. Meanwhile, removing
woods
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wood
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 as the main
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sources
Fix the agreement mistake
source
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 of oxygen
,
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apply
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 can put
the
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apply
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humans’ lives at risk, and replacing
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 with
the
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apply
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green ones could save the
life
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lives
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 of
world
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the world
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.
For example
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, based on the
last
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 investigations, human life has
removes
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removed
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 40
percent
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per cent
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 of
woods
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wood
show examples
 in the
last
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 decade. In a nutshell,
replacement
Correct article usage
the replacement
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 of fossil
fuels
Use synonyms
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
green
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
 could be useful in two ways.
First,
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this
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 alteration could improve the weather quality, and the second reason is related to
the
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apply
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saving lives totally.
Submitted by aksoysana on

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Coherence and Cohesion
While you have logically structured your essay, some points could have been more clearly connected. Consider using more linking words to show the relationship between ideas.
Task Achievement
Focus on providing more specific examples and details to make your points more compelling and support your argument effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay had clear sectioning with an introduction and a conclusion. Ensure that each section fully supports your thesis statement with comprehensive reasoning.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively introduces the topic and states a clear opinion, setting the stage for your essay.
Task Achievement
You provided clear reasons for your stance on the issue, supporting the view that renewable energy is a positive development.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fossil fuels
  • Renewable energy
  • Carbon footprint
  • Global warming
  • Sustainability
  • Energy security
  • Economic development
  • Technological advancement
  • Energy independence
  • Infrastructure investment
  • Intermittent supply
  • Storage technology
  • Public acceptance
  • Renewable energy sector
  • National security
  • Research and innovation
  • Viable energy sources
  • Upfront investment
  • Environmental impact
  • Carbon emissions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: