Some feel goverments should invest primarily in educating the young, while others feel this is not a good use of resources. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There has been an increasing number of people who claim that authorities  should
spent
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spend
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most of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
income on youth education, as in the future it can bring all efforts back.
While
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,
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apply
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other people insist that there are even more important factors
. .
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.
...
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In
this
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essay, I am going to discuss both states, before getting my own opinion. On the one hand ,  despite the fact that
children
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children's
show examples
education may be financially problematic, it works as
investment
Add an article
an investment
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. After the huge expanses , young people would gain knowledge and 
then
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will cover all initial stocks,
where
Correct word choice
which
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can lead to both  GDP and GNP growth  and
also
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increase to general wisdom of citizens.
In addition
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young
Correct article usage
the young
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generation is
relience
Correct your spelling
reliant
and future hope for the particular state. Without
them
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them,
show examples
Use synonyms
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
can not only support
it's
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its
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economy
,
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apply
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but even would not be able to build and survive in
this
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fast developing
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fast-developing
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world.
With
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In
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another words
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another word
other words
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, there is no chance of creating
social
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a social
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country but
off
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of
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young supporters.
However
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, as several global issues have been
raising
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raised
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,
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
also
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should allocate part of its budget
on
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to
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them and take applicable measures against them. Various
kind
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kinds
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of pollution, namely can contribute to the collapse  of society, in the same
way
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way,
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health conditions and 
countries
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country
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development, too.
Therefore
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authorities
,
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apply
show examples
should prevent
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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issues
,
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apply
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before they can implement their
affects
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effects
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.
Furthermore
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,
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
should not
concern
Wrong verb form
be concerned
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about
youth
Correct article usage
the youth
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generation, but
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instead
Add a comma
instead,
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they should care about
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
they are studying. They mostly should provide support for teachers, educate them first provide
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
educational facilities and
then
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only move to
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
. In conclusion, I compared that youth is
future
Correct article usage
the future
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for the  countries and their long-term
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
with other external and internal issues. And I personally believe that
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
should spend part of its money, both on
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
education and other factors.
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your essay maintains a clear and logical structure throughout. Some sentences could be more direct and clearly linked to one another to improve the flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
Clarify your ideas to make them more comprehensive and specific. Some arguments could be expanded or explained with more detail to increase clarity.
Task Achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to fully support your points. This can help illustrate your arguments and show a deeper understanding of the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively outlines the topic and the writer's opinion.
Task Achievement
You have addressed both views of the topic, which shows an effort to provide a balanced discussion.
Task Achievement
The essay demonstrates an understanding of the importance of various aspects of government spending, indicating insightful thinking.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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