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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say it is important to keep your home and workplace tidy, with everything organized and in the correct places. What is your opinion about this?

Some people contend that having a tidy
environment
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 and placing everything in their supposed position is important in both
home
Correct article usage
the home
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 and workplace.
Although
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 the convenience of displacing
items
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seem
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seems
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 appealing, I gravitate toward cleanliness as it
is
Verb problem
has
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 proved to be more beneficial in the long term. On the
one
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 hand, there might be two main reasons
as to
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apply
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why people are against tidiness.
Firstly
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, cleaning can be
time
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-consuming. When working on a project,
one
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 needs to use several materials, which might pile up on the desk and provide an untidy
environment
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.
While
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 cleaning in general is beneficial, on these occasions, it would only add up to the
time
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 that
one
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 needs to search for files and books over and over again.
Moreover
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, simply putting these
items
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 on the desk would be harmless and save an individual a sizable chunk of
time
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.
Secondly
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, it is argued that cleaning
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one’s
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 homeplace when there is no expectation for guests not only is unnecessary but
also
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 requires lots of
time
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 and energy. An individual coming back home after a long shift can put their clothes on the sofa and simply use them the day ahead.
This
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 approach not only prevents the frustration of mundane tasks, in
this
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 case placing clothes in the wardrobe, but
also
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 offers a much-needed convenience to a devastated individual.
However
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, keeping
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one’s
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environment
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 tidy can be beneficial and save a huge amount of
time
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.
One
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 of the major benefits of tidiness is increasing
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one’s
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 productivity. Working in a clean
environment
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, where every object is placed in its correct place, can guarantee quick access to needed material. Being able to find what
one
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 requires as swiftly as possible saves
time
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 and improves
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one’s
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 productivity by not wasting an individual’s
time
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 on undue tasks.
This
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 leads to individual’s minds being solely focused on important issues and steering clear of futile searching for
items
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. Another significance of cleanliness is
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one’s
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overall
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 well-being. As human beings, we allocate a portion of our brain hemispheres to mundane tasks. Knowing the
placing
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placement
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 of each subject and having a tidy home allows
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one’s
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 mind to burn
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 calories on remembering the information and rely on consistent algorithms of
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one’s
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 life.
This
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 helps individuals to focus on more pressing issues and alleviate their
stresslevels
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stress levels
. In conclusion,
while
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 displacing objects might seem harmless and even beneficial, personally, I believe in the long term the advantages of positioning
items
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 in their usual place outweigh the convenience of
untideness
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untidiness
.

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task achievement
Try providing more specific examples to enhance the depth of your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure your main points are always supported with detailed examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
Consider linking your paragraphs more explicitly to enhance cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a well-organized structure with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You clearly express your opinion and provide balanced arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are logical and relevant to the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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