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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Tell me about the most memorable Trip you have ever taken

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My most memorable trip was from the
last
Linking Words
 year I
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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went to Uttarakhand. It was a bike trip so
basically
Add a comma
basically,
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 our trip
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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started from Mumbai, we took a
train
Use synonyms
 from Mumbai at
night
Use synonyms
. We reached
to
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apply
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Mathura early in the morning. In
Mathura
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Mathura,
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 we explored different locations, ate some good food, went to temples etc, later in the
night
Use synonyms
 we had our
train
Use synonyms
 for
Dehradun
Use synonyms
. We took our
train
Use synonyms
 and
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 day in
morning
Add an article
the morning
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 we reached
Dehradun
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. After getting
down of
Change preposition
off
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 the
train
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 in
Dehradun
Use synonyms
 we went to our
bike renting
Add a hyphen
bike-renting
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 shop, picked up our bikes and started our
Journey
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 to reach our hostel which was located in
Dehradun
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 itself. We had a ride of 50kms and reached
to
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apply
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our
hotstel
Correct your spelling
hotel
hostel
,
checked-in
Correct your spelling
checked in
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 got
freshen
Wrong verb form
freshened
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 up and had our lunch and later we went
for
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apply
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sight-seeing, came back to
hostel
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the hostel
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 had some drinks with friends
spent
Correct word choice
and spent
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 some quality time and
then
Linking Words
 we went to sleep as we were
exhuasted
Correct your spelling
exhausted
.
Next
Correct article usage
The next
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 day in the morning we got ready and left for our next destination which was Chaupta, almost a
12 hours of
Replace the word
12-hour
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journey
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. In between
of
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apply
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our
12 hours
Correct your spelling
12-hour
journey
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 we used to take breaks
in between for using
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to use
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 the washrooms and our
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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. We
finally
Linking Words
 late in the
night
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 reached our
location
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 and from there we had to do a 600m trek to reach our tents. It was very cold and we were feeling super cold because we had our
journey
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 on our bikes. As soon as we reached our tents after
sometime
Replace the word
some time
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 we did a born fire and sat with our drinks for the
night
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. We had a great time with each other. We went back inside our tent to rest and when the sun
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
rises
 we were all ready to do back our 600m trek to get out
the
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of the
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location
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, explored the
location
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had
Correct word choice
and had
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 our breakfast
and
Correct word choice
apply
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it was a sunny day so we were all happy because it was very chilled at the
night
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 time. Our next destination for Rishikesh again we were going to have 12
hours
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hour's
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journey
Use synonyms
 to reach there. We reached our destination late in the evening by 9pm had our dinner on the way and
then
Linking Words
 we explored the
location
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 for
sometime
Replace the word
some time
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 and went back to our hostel. We sat down there and we were embracing our
journey
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.
Next
Correct article usage
The next
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 morning we were again heading back to
Dehradun
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 to drop down our bikes to the renting shop. We had a flight at 5pm so we
then
Linking Words
 left for the airport. We took our flights came back to Mumbai
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
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 our home and took
rest
Correct article usage
a rest
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your essay into clear paragraphs with a structured introduction and conclusion. This will enhance readability.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on how the trip was memorable to provide deeper insight.
task achievement
You provided many specific examples and details that make the narrative vivid.
coherence cohesion
The essay flows with a chronological narrative, guiding the reader through the events.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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