IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
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There is a debate on whether or not it is appropriate for a
university
student
 to learn any
subjects
 outside
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 major. In my opinion, every
subjects
Change to a singular noun
subject
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 the same level of importance for receiving a higher degree so
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
student
 should be able to learn other
subjects
 that they want.
Moreover
, in
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 following paragraph, I will explain both sides and give reasons that
lied
Correct your spelling
lie
show examples
 under my statement. In pursuing a degree,
students
 have a list of
courses
 that need to be completed even though not every appointed
courses
Change to a singular noun
course
show examples
 on that list is suitable for each
students
Change to a singular noun
student
show examples
.
While
 every
students
Change to a singular noun
student
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 various
character
Replace the word
characteristics
show examples
 and their own future
objection
Fix the agreement mistake
objections
show examples
, a
university
 should provide them to take extra
courses
according to
 their aim.
For example
, an
economic
Replace the word
economics
show examples
student
 who
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to be a financial advisor might need to enhance his public speaking and communication skills, unlike his friend who
prefer
Change the verb form
prefers
show examples
 a corporate career.
On the contrary
, an
economic
Replace the word
economics
show examples
student
 who
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to pursue a career in the government
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to learn basic knowledge of public policy and budgeting. Regarding
this
, a
university
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to support each
students
Change to a genitive case
student's
show examples
 different career
prospect
Fix the agreement mistake
prospects
show examples
.
On the other hand
, learning too many things at a
time
 might
causing
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
students
 to lose attention to their main study. Sometimes, the
courses
Change the noun form
course
show examples
 list appointed by the
university
 is rigorous, it
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 much
time
 and attention to finish the assignment and pass the exam.
Students
 who
failed
Wrong verb form
fail
show examples
 to
organized
Wrong verb form
organise
show examples
 their
time
 effectively might waste their
time
 and
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 worst case,
this
 could lead to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
burnout.
However
, to avoid
this
, the
university
 should regulate the amount of elective
courses
 a
student
 can take.
For example
, more
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
courses
such
 as laboratory practices should not be taken at two the same
time
.
As a result
,
students
 might not lose focus
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the main
subjects
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the following semester.
To sum up
,
while
 focusing on
courses
 related to their degree might prevent burnout,
students
 who want to take other
subjects
 outside their major should not be prohibited as it has many advantages in the future.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement to clearly express your stance and include a brief overview of the points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistent use of grammatical structures and pay attention to errors such as pluralization and verb tense agreement.
coherence cohesion
Include clear and varied examples consistently to support each point made, ensuring each example directly relates to the main argument.
task achievement
The essay effectively discusses both perspectives of the argument, providing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the debate.
task achievement
The use of real-world examples relating to different career paths adds depth to the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
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