IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some modern artists receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while others struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Many
artists
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 face the problem of having their
work
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 publicly evaluated.
This
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 evaluation is related to the price that
artists
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 put on their works. Most people believe that high prices for
such
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works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 are unjustified and that the
government
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 should take responsibility for
this
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 activity.
This
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 is a hot topic at the moment because there are many
artists
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 around the world whose labour has been devalued.I agree that young
artists
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 and performers should be supported in their endeavours without devaluing their
work
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. The
government
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 should only take measures to avoid
such
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 attitudes on the part of the public. Every artist and any creative person goes through a lot of difficulties
while
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 creating their
work
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, they
also
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 put into
this
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work
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 not only a certain meaning or idea
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 financial means.
For example
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, purchasing materials to create some art objects or paintings.If an artist wants to create really
high quality
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high-quality
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work
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, they will need quality and expensive materials.
This
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 is why
artists
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 often charge high prices for their
work
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.
Therefore
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, the
government
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 should take some measures to support
artists
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 and to enable them to realise themselves as creative individuals. Another reason why
artists
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 often sell their
work
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 for a high price is the amount of time and effort put into the
work
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. Just like other working people, they spend their time and energy creating something.
For example
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, facing a creative crisis can contribute to slowing down the
work
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, perfectionism and other qualities
also
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 do not allow
artists
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 to let the
work
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 finish quickly enough. They may
also
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 forget about a healthy lifestyle
due to
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 sleepless nights and poor diet.The
government
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 should not take measures to infringe on their rights to operate, because they
work
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 just like other people, just in their own way. In conclusion, I would like to say that
artists
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 and all creative personalities are just as human as ordinary workers. They
also
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 invest in their development and
work
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 hard to get a good result, so their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 valuable. If someone does not like their
work
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, it is not a reason to devalue their labour and treat them badly,
as well as
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 to involve the
government
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 in their activities.

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coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: Enhance the logical structure by making clear connections between paragraphs and strengthening transitions.
task achievement
Task Response: Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points for a higher relevance score.
task achievement
Task Response: Develop the argument more comprehensively, especially regarding the role of the government.
task achievement
The essay effectively highlights the difficulties artists face and why they might charge high prices for their work.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets the stage for discussion, and the conclusion succinctly wraps up the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay acknowledges the complexity of artistic valuation and the challenges faced by artists.
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