Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, many
undividuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
allocate
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
of their
time
to their
work
and do not have sufficient free
time
. Despite long
time
working could cause some advantages, its drawbacks outweigh.
This
essay
discuss
Change the verb form
discusses
show examples
positive and negative points and will provide comprehensive reasons. First of all, it is considered that the long
time
working can increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productivity. people and businesses which can
work
for longer
hours
can have more
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
.
For instance
, factories which have two shifts of working are able to be more productive.
Also
,
certain
Change the article
a certain
the certain
show examples
number of
eployees
Correct your spelling
employees
and businesses can earn more
mony
Correct your spelling
money
when they
work
for more
hours
. Workforces could get extra
salery
Correct your spelling
salary
sales
due to
their extra
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
and businesses can earn more money when they are open for longer
hours
.
For example
, some stores which are open during the night can earn more money and their workforces can get extra
salery
Correct your spelling
salary
if they
work
for extra
hours
. Despite these
advantages
Add a comma
advantages,
show examples
there are numerous setbacks. Individuals working for many
hours
can not dedicate enough
time
to their family and friends,
therefore
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
communication circle would be constrained.
This
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
severe
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
for their personal lives.
For instance
, people who can not participate in family reunions or
celeberations
Correct your spelling
celebrations
celebration
due to
the long
time
working
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
might lose their connection which
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
them to
isolarion
Correct your spelling
isolation
.
Furtheremore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, individuals who can not devote enough
time
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
certain
leasure
Correct your spelling
leisure
activiteies
Correct your spelling
activities
such
as
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
and nature exploring, are in danger of mental
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
such
as
depresion
Correct your spelling
depression
. To illustrate, some research shows that outdoor activities can reduce the risk of
depresion
Correct your spelling
depression
in people. In conclusion, despite there
exist
Verb problem
being
show examples
some advantages
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
working for long
hours
, the drawbacks overshadow them and might cause severe problems
such
as
lomeliness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
caused by lack of
adiquate
Correct your spelling
adequate
communication and
mantal
Correct your spelling
mental
manual
disease
due to
lack of enough outdoor activities.
Submitted by rezaei.rezvan94 on

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task achievement
While the essay adequately addresses the question and provides a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages, some points could be explained in more depth to enhance clarity and comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to certain language inaccuracies and typos, such as 'undividuals' instead of 'individuals,' 'eployees' instead of 'employees,' and 'adiquate' instead of 'adequate.' Correcting these will improve overall readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids the reader in understanding the writer's standpoint effectively.
task achievement
There are relevant examples provided, such as the example of stores being open at night, which helps in illustrating the points made.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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