Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays, many
undividuals
allocate Correct your spelling
individuals
majority
of their Add an article
the majority
time
to their work
and do not have sufficient free time
. Despite long time
working could cause some advantages, its drawbacks outweigh. This
essay discuss
positive and negative points and will provide comprehensive reasons.
First of all, it is considered that the long Change the verb form
discusses
time
working can increase the
productivity. people and businesses which can Correct article usage
apply
work
for longer hours
can have more costumers
. Correct your spelling
customers
For instance
, factories which have two shifts of working are able to be more productive. Also
, certain
number of Change the article
a certain
the certain
eployees
and businesses can earn more Correct your spelling
employees
mony
when they Correct your spelling
money
work
for more hours
. Workforces could get extra salery
Correct your spelling
salary
sales
due to
their extra works
and businesses can earn more money when they are open for longer Fix the agreement mistake
work
hours
. For example
, some stores which are open during the night can earn more money and their workforces can get extra salery
if they Correct your spelling
salary
work
for extra hours
.
Despite these advantages
there are numerous setbacks. Individuals working for many Add a comma
advantages,
hours
can not dedicate enough time
to their family and friends, therefore
, they
communication circle would be constrained. Correct pronoun usage
their
This
cause
severe Change the verb form
causes
problem
for their personal lives. Fix the agreement mistake
problems
For instance
, people who can not participate in family reunions or celeberations
Correct your spelling
celebrations
celebration
due to
the long time
working,
might lose their connection which Remove the comma
apply
lead
them to Change the verb form
leads
isolarion
. Correct your spelling
isolation
Furtheremore
, individuals who can not devote enough Correct your spelling
Furthermore
time
for
certain Change preposition
to
leasure
Correct your spelling
leisure
activiteies
Correct your spelling
activities
such
as sport
and nature exploring, are in danger of mental Fix the agreement mistake
sports
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
such
as depresion
. To illustrate, some research shows that outdoor activities can reduce the risk of Correct your spelling
depression
depresion
in people.
In conclusion, despite there Correct your spelling
depression
exist
some advantages Verb problem
being
in
Change preposition
to
the
working for long Correct article usage
apply
hours
, the drawbacks overshadow them and might cause severe problems such
as lomeliness
caused by lack of Correct your spelling
loneliness
adiquate
communication and Correct your spelling
adequate
mantal
disease Correct your spelling
mental
manual
due to
lack of enough outdoor activities.Submitted by rezaei.rezvan94 on
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task achievement
While the essay adequately addresses the question and provides a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages, some points could be explained in more depth to enhance clarity and comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to certain language inaccuracies and typos, such as 'undividuals' instead of 'individuals,' 'eployees' instead of 'employees,' and 'adiquate' instead of 'adequate.' Correcting these will improve overall readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids the reader in understanding the writer's standpoint effectively.
task achievement
There are relevant examples provided, such as the example of stores being open at night, which helps in illustrating the points made.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?