IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, many
undividuals
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individuals
 allocate
majority
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the majority
show examples
 of their
time
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 to their
work
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 and do not have sufficient free
time
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. Despite long
time
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 working could cause some advantages, its drawbacks outweigh.
This
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 essay
discuss
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discusses
show examples
 positive and negative points and will provide comprehensive reasons. First of all, it is considered that the long
time
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 working can increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
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productivity. people and businesses which can
work
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 for longer
hours
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 can have more
costumers
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customers
show examples
.
For instance
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, factories which have two shifts of working are able to be more productive.
Also
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,
certain
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a certain
the certain
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 number of
eployees
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employees
 and businesses can earn more
mony
Correct your spelling
money
 when they
work
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 for more
hours
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. Workforces could get extra
salery
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salary
sales
due to
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 their extra
works
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work
show examples
 and businesses can earn more money when they are open for longer
hours
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.
For example
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, some stores which are open during the night can earn more money and their workforces can get extra
salery
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salary
 if they
work
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 for extra
hours
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. Despite these
advantages
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advantages,
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 there are numerous setbacks. Individuals working for many
hours
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 can not dedicate enough
time
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 to their family and friends,
therefore
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,
they
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their
show examples
 communication circle would be constrained.
This
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cause
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causes
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 severe
problem
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problems
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 for their personal lives.
For instance
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, people who can not participate in family reunions or
celeberations
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celebrations
celebration
due to
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 the long
time
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 working
,
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apply
show examples
 might lose their connection which
lead
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leads
show examples
 them to
isolarion
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isolation
.
Furtheremore
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Furthermore
, individuals who can not devote enough
time
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for
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to
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 certain
leasure
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leisure
activiteies
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activities
such
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 as
sport
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sports
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 and nature exploring, are in danger of mental
disease
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diseases
show examples
such
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 as
depresion
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depression
. To illustrate, some research shows that outdoor activities can reduce the risk of
depresion
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depression
 in people. In conclusion, despite there
exist
Verb problem
being
show examples
 some advantages
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
working for long
hours
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, the drawbacks overshadow them and might cause severe problems
such
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 as
lomeliness
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loneliness
 caused by lack of
adiquate
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adequate
 communication and
mantal
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mental
manual
 disease
due to
Linking Words
 lack of enough outdoor activities.

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task achievement
While the essay adequately addresses the question and provides a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages, some points could be explained in more depth to enhance clarity and comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to certain language inaccuracies and typos, such as 'undividuals' instead of 'individuals,' 'eployees' instead of 'employees,' and 'adiquate' instead of 'adequate.' Correcting these will improve overall readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids the reader in understanding the writer's standpoint effectively.
task achievement
There are relevant examples provided, such as the example of stores being open at night, which helps in illustrating the points made.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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