IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation #reason
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, many
undividuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 allocate
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
 of their
time
Use synonyms
 to their
work
Use synonyms
 and do not have sufficient free
time
Use synonyms
. Despite long
time
Use synonyms
 working could cause some advantages, its drawbacks outweigh.
This
Linking Words
 essay
discuss
Change the verb form
discusses
show examples
 positive and negative points and will provide comprehensive reasons. First of all, it is considered that the long
time
Use synonyms
 working can increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productivity. people and businesses which can
work
Use synonyms
 for longer
hours
Use synonyms
 can have more
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, factories which have two shifts of working are able to be more productive.
Also
Linking Words
,
certain
Change the article
a certain
the certain
show examples
 number of
eployees
Correct your spelling
employees
 and businesses can earn more
mony
Correct your spelling
money
 when they
work
Use synonyms
 for more
hours
Use synonyms
. Workforces could get extra
salery
Correct your spelling
salary
sales
due to
Linking Words
 their extra
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 and businesses can earn more money when they are open for longer
hours
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, some stores which are open during the night can earn more money and their workforces can get extra
salery
Correct your spelling
salary
 if they
work
Use synonyms
 for extra
hours
Use synonyms
. Despite these
advantages
Add a comma
advantages,
show examples
 there are numerous setbacks. Individuals working for many
hours
Use synonyms
 can not dedicate enough
time
Use synonyms
 to their family and friends,
therefore
Linking Words
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 communication circle would be constrained.
This
Linking Words
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 severe
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 for their personal lives.
For instance
Linking Words
, people who can not participate in family reunions or
celeberations
Correct your spelling
celebrations
celebration
due to
Linking Words
 the long
time
Use synonyms
 working
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 might lose their connection which
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 them to
isolarion
Correct your spelling
isolation
.
Furtheremore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, individuals who can not devote enough
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 certain
leasure
Correct your spelling
leisure
activiteies
Correct your spelling
activities
such
Linking Words
 as
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 and nature exploring, are in danger of mental
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
depresion
Correct your spelling
depression
. To illustrate, some research shows that outdoor activities can reduce the risk of
depresion
Correct your spelling
depression
 in people. In conclusion, despite there
exist
Verb problem
being
show examples
 some advantages
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
working for long
hours
Use synonyms
, the drawbacks overshadow them and might cause severe problems
such
Linking Words
 as
lomeliness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
 caused by lack of
adiquate
Correct your spelling
adequate
 communication and
mantal
Correct your spelling
mental
manual
 disease
due to
Linking Words
 lack of enough outdoor activities.
Submitted by rezaei.rezvan94 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay adequately addresses the question and provides a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages, some points could be explained in more depth to enhance clarity and comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to certain language inaccuracies and typos, such as 'undividuals' instead of 'individuals,' 'eployees' instead of 'employees,' and 'adiquate' instead of 'adequate.' Correcting these will improve overall readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids the reader in understanding the writer's standpoint effectively.
task achievement
There are relevant examples provided, such as the example of stores being open at night, which helps in illustrating the points made.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: