Full- time students should not spend a lot of time on studying, but the should be involved in other activities too. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

The bar chart compares the
expenditure
of
France
and the
UK
on five categories of consumer goods in 2010, measured in sterling. In the category of cars, both countries spend around the same amount, but the
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
spend slightly more than
France
. The
UK
's
expenditure
is just under 450,000 sterling,
while
France
's spending is approximately 400,000 sterling. For computers,
France
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
slightly more than the
UK
, with
France
spending around 370,000 sterling and the
UK
just under 350,000 sterling. In the books category, the
UK
spend significantly more than
France
. The
UK
's
expenditure
is around 400,000 sterling,
while
France
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
just under 300,000 sterling. Regarding perfume,
France
outspend the
UK
by a large margin.
France
's
expenditure
is just under 200,000 sterling,
while
the
UK
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
nearly 150,000 sterling.
Lastly
, in the cameras category, the
UK
again spend slightly more than
France
.The
UK
's
expenditure
is just under 350,000 sterling,
whereas
France
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
around 150,000 sterling. In summary,
while
the
UK
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
more on cars, books, and cameras,
France
led in spending on computers and perfume. The differences in
expenditure
are most notable in the books and cameras categories.
Submitted by khotkina.ma on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Consider introducing the topic at the beginning of your essay and summarizing your key findings at the end for better structure.
Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next by using linking phrases.
Task Achievement
Though your analysis is strong, ensure each point is tied back to the overall comparison of expenditures and what it suggests.
Task Achievement
You have provided a comprehensive comparison between France and the UK for each category.
Task Achievement
Your essay clearly distinguishes which country spent more on each category and provides specific figures.
Logical Structure
The structure is logical, allowing the reader to follow each point easily.

Fully explain your ideas

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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