IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

School should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#school #focus #success #examinations #skills #cookery #woodwork #friends
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today’s rapidly changing world, both academic and soft
skills
 considerably spark a debate among
education
 committees. Some argue that schools should be more focused on academic outcomes than soft
skills
such
 as cookery, dressmaking, and woodwork. I firmly believe that integrating programs between academic and non-academic can greatly balance outcomes and achievements.
Firstly
, schools encourage pupils to pursue their goals, especially in academics. Many job vacancies are likely to be encountered when they are adults and they require specifically high academic scores. In consequence, preparing youngsters with a compact educational curriculum presumably assists them in a field.
Furthermore
, high
education
 is
also
 related to a good manner as
people
 who are highly educated mostly have a good attitude,
therefore
 communities respect them.
In addition
, well-educated
people
 are still a minority of the population in developing countries. There are a lot of
people
 who are struggling to be wealthier throughout
education
.
This
 term
also
 affects teachers who assist pupils to achieve the government’s programs as their tools for increasing economic growth and the betterment of
education
.
Moreover
, it is mirrored in the identity of its nation which has a lot of
people
 who are well educated to be ministers. Some argue that without learning soft
skills
, pupils are likely to be stressed. To address
this
, it is crucial to integrate extracurricular with
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
show examples
.
This
 program can avoid impacts
such
 as mental health and balancing youngster’s brain (right brain and left brain). In conclusion, focusing on academic success is crucial especially in developing countries, as it offers undeniable advantages. Integrating programs with hard and soft
skills
 will achieve the betterment of
education
 in the field.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide specific examples or case studies to further support your argument for balancing academic and non-academic skills.
task achievement
Clarify the argument about how being well-educated correlates with being well-mannered, perhaps with examples or additional explanations.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen logical transitions between paragraphs to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the argument effectively.
task achievement
A complete response to the prompt is present, with a clear stance on the issue.
task achievement
Balanced discussion of the advantages of focusing on academic skills and integrating them with soft skills is well-presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: