IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.
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The illustrated charts provide the average data about the amount of money British parents have spent on
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities of their children and the proportions of popularity of certain
sport
 types namely football,
athletics
 and swimming in a period of six years, from 2008 to 2014. Looking at
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
overall
 structure, it is readily apparent that, the
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 of British families
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities was higher each year, over the six-year period. Football came first
it
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 terms of popularity
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 within the given timeframe,
however
 swimming and
athletics
 were less
favored
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favoured
show examples
. In 2008,
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 average
20
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of 20
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 pounds per month, from family budgets, were spent on children's
sport
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sports
show examples
 hobbies,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
this
 amount underwent a
gradually
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gradual
show examples
 rise to
aproximately30
Correct your spelling
approximately
 pounds per month in the ultimate period.
While
 football
sport club
Fix the agreement mistake
sports clubs
show examples
 had approximately 8
million
 British children as participants in 2008, the proportions of swimming and
athletics
 accounted for about 2
million
 and less than a
million
 respectively. The figures for
footbal
Correct your spelling
football
 remained stable for the following 6 years;
however
, the number of members for swimming nearly doubled to 4.5
million
 and for
athletics
 multiplied 5 times, to 5
million
.
Submitted by ayshanngurbanova on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sport, athletics, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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