IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.
#first #information #money #british #parents #children’s #sports #second #children #three #britain #time #period
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The illustrated charts provide the average data about the amount of money British parents have spent on
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities of their children and the proportions of popularity of certain
sport
Use synonyms
 types namely football,
athletics
Use synonyms
 and swimming in a period of six years, from 2008 to 2014. Looking at
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
overall
Linking Words
 structure, it is readily apparent that, the
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 of British families
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities was higher each year, over the six-year period. Football came first
it
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 terms of popularity
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 within the given timeframe,
however
Linking Words
 swimming and
athletics
Use synonyms
 were less
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
. In 2008,
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 average
20
Change preposition
of 20
show examples
 pounds per month, from family budgets, were spent on children's
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 hobbies,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 amount underwent a
gradually
Change the word
gradual
show examples
 rise to
aproximately30
Correct your spelling
approximately
 pounds per month in the ultimate period.
While
Linking Words
 football
Use synonyms
sport club
Fix the agreement mistake
sports clubs
show examples
 had approximately 8
million
Use synonyms
 British children as participants in 2008, the proportions of swimming and
athletics
Use synonyms
 accounted for about 2
million
Use synonyms
 and less than a
million
Use synonyms
 respectively. The figures for
footbal
Correct your spelling
football
 remained stable for the following 6 years;
however
Linking Words
, the number of members for swimming nearly doubled to 4.5
million
Use synonyms
 and for
athletics
Use synonyms
 multiplied 5 times, to 5
million
Use synonyms
.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sport, athletics, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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