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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagrams below show the site of a school in 2004 and the plan for changes to the school site in 2024.

The diagrams below show the site of a school in 2004 and the plan for changes to the school site in 2024.
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The two provided maps illustrate the
school
Use synonyms
 buildings and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 surroundings back in 2004 and how
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will look after the reconstruction in 2024. Looking at an
overall
Linking Words
 structure, it is readily apparent that, the most significant feature after reconstruction will be a new
school
Use synonyms
 building.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, some facilities will be replaced, and new roads are
also
Linking Words
 planned. The
school
Use synonyms
 capacity was 500 students in 2004;
however
Linking Words
, with the addition of a third
school
Use synonyms
 building,
this
Linking Words
 figure will be doubled to 1000 students. The direction and size of
path
Add an article
the path
a path
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 between the
school
Use synonyms
 buildings will be modified,
in
Linking Words
addition
Add the comma(s)
addition,
show examples
 a new corridor between previous schools will be built.
New
Add an article
The new
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 building is lying in the sports field's terrain, so the sports field will be
reconstucted
Correct your spelling
reconstructed
constructed
 to the right side of the main road;
also
Linking Words
 the second car park
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 planned,
due to
Linking Words
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 number of students and their parents.
According to
Linking Words
 the map, the location of the first car park and the main entrance will remain unchanged.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words school with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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