Some people think that qualities a person needs to become successful in today's world cannot be learned at universities or similar academic institutions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is suggested that fewer individuals are eager to read books nowadays.
Thus
we should
utelize
Correct your spelling
utilize
utilise
the funds for something more urgent like healthcare
instead
of
attend
Change the verb form
attending
show examples
all public
libraries
. There are several flipsides to
this
point, l
am personally support
Change the verb form
am personally supported
am personally supporting
show examples
that
policy makers
Correct your spelling
policymakers
show examples
had paid more attention to the role of
libraries
before making
suv
Correct your spelling
such
decisions. Admittedly,
libraries
can bridge the gap between the
highly-educated
Correct your spelling
highly educated
show examples
and the under-educated. More human beings on the planet, particularly
poor
Change preposition
in poor
show examples
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
, are
trust
Wrong verb form
trusted
show examples
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
libraries
. That's why, it
enhancing
Wrong verb form
enhances
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
literature and education which plays an active role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
Add an article
a well
show examples
well informed
Add a hyphen
well-informed
show examples
society. The more people read the books, the more they become
intelegent
Correct your spelling
intelligent
.
In addition
, it is fair to say that fewer
libraries
mean discouraging humans from
libraries
. Internet is not only
flexible
Correct article usage
a flexible
show examples
space
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
learning but
also
it is
Rephrase
also aviable
show examples
aviable
Correct your spelling
available
24 hours a day to seek
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information Said young
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
This
, in effect, leads to discourage from
libraries
. I 'd consider the point above that in deprived areas whose population are
need
Change preposition
in need
show examples
of more urgent
sevices
Correct your spelling
services
involving basic healthcare
ansd
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
libraries
are considered the less priority as both sectors have
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
.
Libraries
can depend on literacy, education and mental health which can support public health. Increasing
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
budget for both
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
could provide
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
balenced aproach
Correct your spelling
balanced approach
to community needs. In conclusion, humans in the world are dedicated
fan
Fix the agreement mistake
fans
show examples
of reading at the moment. When most of them support
use
Add the particle
to use
show examples
the
urgent
Change preposition
of urgent
show examples
servises
Correct your spelling
services
, l
am personally believe
Change the verb form
personally believes
show examples
that the
libraries
all
Change preposition
in all
show examples
countries
shouldnot
Correct your spelling
should not
close.
This
is
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
, it
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
education,
literacy
Correct word choice
and literacy
show examples
and
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
aim helps us to understand the world.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents an interesting discussion on the role of libraries, but clarity and in-depth exploration of ideas need improvement. Ensure each point is sufficiently explored and related directly to the question.
coherence cohesion
There are some disjointed ideas and abrupt transitions. Consider using linking words or phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs, promoting a smoother reading experience.
task achievement
Providing specific examples can strengthen your arguments. Try to include real-life instances or hypothetical situations to make points more relatable and convincing.
task achievement
You have made a clear attempt to address the issue of libraries versus healthcare funding, showing engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical introduction and conclusion, helping to frame your essay and give it structure.
task achievement
You've shown an awareness of the importance of both literacy and healthcare, appreciating the balance needed between different societal needs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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