What mistakes are in this text? The question it answers is Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is an
interested
topic to discuss about education and work. Some Replace the word
interesting
people
think that graduated
from Wrong verb form
graduating
the
Correct article usage
apply
university
is one of the best way
they can do to get a proper Change to a plural noun
ways
job
. Then
on the other side, people
think that experienced
in some fields or Change the form of the verb
experience
area
is Fix the agreement mistake
areas
the
prominent.
Now I will write my point of Change the article
apply
views
for both. Fix the agreement mistake
view
Firstly
, as one of people
who hold a Add an article
the people
bachelor
degree in education. I strongly agree that completing Change noun form
bachelor's
university
education is the best way to get a proper job
. My lecturer was
said that “education is a social elevator for a middle or lower class to move to another class”. I think the statement is very interesting. There Unnecessary verb
apply
are
so many Change the verb form
is
kind
of Change to a plural noun
kinds
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
that
is
need Unnecessary verb
apply
a specific
Correct the article-noun agreement
specific skills
a specific skill
skills
to fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
it
. By completing Correct pronoun usage
them
university
, people
has
many Change the verb form
have
through
Correct your spelling
thorough
process
to gain some specific Fix the agreement mistake
processes
skills
based on the major they had taken.
But, at
the other sides. I Change preposition
on
also
agree if
Correct word choice
that
people
think that getting experience
and developing soft skills
is
important. I think some jobs like sales, customer services and Correct subject-verb agreement
are
other related
Change the wording
another related job
other related jobs
job
that have to interact and communicate with human
would be Fix the agreement mistake
humans
mastery
by gaining Replace the word
mastered
experience
and accumulated
in Wrong verb form
accumulating
times
. The more we practice, the more we Fix the agreement mistake
time
mastery
the Replace the word
master
job
.
So I conclude that completing university
and
getting Correct word choice
apply
experience
and developing soft skills
are equal things to get the best job
. Both views are fulfilling each other. If we are looking for a specific job
then
we have to completing
Change the verb form
complete
university
, then
if we are have
a plan to work with Change the verb form
have
human
, getting Fix the agreement mistake
humans
experience
and developing soft skill
is the best way. Fix the agreement mistake
skills
Last
but not least, if we are combine
it, we can have more opportunities to get Change the verb form
combine
job
in many ways.Add an article
a job
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Grammar and Spelling
There are a few errors in spelling and grammar such as 'interested' which should be 'interesting', 'graduated' which should be 'graduating', and 'has many through process' should be 'has gone through many processes'.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to provide coherent linking words between paragraphs to improve flow and signposting (e.g., 'In conclusion', 'On one hand', 'On the other hand', etc.).
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support each point. For instance, mention specific fields or success stories influenced by education or experience/soft skills.
Coherence and Cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your arguments well.
Task Achievement
Your personal opinion is well incorporated and relevant to the discussion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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