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Band 6.5

Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?

#health #services #necessity #companies #individuals #care
The question of whether it is beneficial or unbeneficial if
health
 services are costly for ordinary
people
is
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sparks considerable debate among society. In my perspective, the disadvantages of increasing the
health
 services’s price
are
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outweigh
than
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the advantages. One of the paramount disadvantages of soaring
health
 care costs is especially for developing countries, the are a lot of indigent
people
 who lack access to proper
health
 services. In consequence, if the private companies only consider their prosperity which increases the cost of
health
 facilities, it impacts indigent
people
 who need more access to keep them healthy.
Moreover
, diseases they have are likely to spread and be pandemic in nations.
In addition
, increasing
health
 services costs seems unfair to
people
 in developing countries, which have a long gap between wealthier
people
 and indigent
people
. In consequence, presumably, crime will soar
in particular
 areas and it will affect
people
 who are living in that area.
However
, it is crucial to acknowledge the potential advantages of
this
 program.
For instance
, there are doctors and medical committees who need a make sense of salaries considering that they spend 7 years to accomplish their study in a field. To address
this
, the government must ensure that taxes from wealthier
people
 or sponsored companies are distributed right on the target.
Furthermore
, the transparency of distributing the budget is essential to achieving fairness in society. In conclusion,
while
 there are advantages associated with soaring the
health
 care cost, I firmly believe that the disadvantages far outweigh these concerns. Facilitating indigent
people
 with proper access to
health
 care and budget transparency can achieve the betterment of the nation.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Ensure that your argument is consistently clear throughout the essay. Some points could be expressed more precisely to enhance understanding.
coherence cohesion
Organize arguments in a clearer progression. Ensure each paragraph follows logically from the previous one.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully explained with specific, relevant examples. This will help to illustrate your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages, presenting a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively highlight the writer's main argument.
coherence cohesion
Basic logical structure is present, with distinct sections addressing different aspects of the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cutting-edge technology
  • highly skilled professionals
  • patient experience
  • outcomes
  • personalized care
  • healthcare practitioners
  • competition
  • standards
  • government burden
  • public funds
  • prohibitively expensive
  • disparities
  • profitability
  • over-treatment
  • neglect
  • non-profitable cases
  • ethical concerns
  • financial status
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