IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

The best way to help under-achieving pupils is to have compulsory after school activities which they must attend. This way they will become more involved in schools and their grades will improve. To what extent do you agree?

#pupils #school #activities #schools #grades
There are various ways to help
week
Correct your spelling
weak
show examples
people
 to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
a great marks
Correct the article-noun agreement
great marks
a great mark
show examples
. we should help these
people
 to improve their levels after school activities.
I'm totally agree
Change the verb form
I totally agree
show examples
 with
this
statements
Fix the agreement mistake
statement
show examples
.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the
begging
Correct your spelling
beginning
show examples
, individuals have different abilities
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 doing tasks so, we should take care of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 skills and
assiste
Correct your spelling
assist
assisted
 them
to develop
Change preposition
in developing
show examples
 their skills.
For example
, not all students in maths lessons have the same time to understand. There are children
need
Correct pronoun usage
who need
show examples
 more time and
explecation
Correct your spelling
experience
 to catch the information. In
this
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
 we should stand behind them and help them to reach their goals. when we help pupils to improve their grades they will become more confident and help their selves and societies.
Although
, they will become more
benifites
Correct your spelling
benefits
 for
people
 around them. In conclusion, lessons after school are more useful for
people
 to improve their grades and
development
Replace the word
develop
show examples
 their skills.
Submitted by Loody on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure all parts of the question are fully addressed. Explain how compulsory after-school activities can directly lead to the involvement and improved grades of students.
task response
Work on providing more specific examples or evidence to support claims. Mention specific types of after-school activities and how they address the needs of under-achieving pupils.
coherence and cohesion
Improve paragraph structure to ensure ideas flow logically from one to another. Consider using cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, in addition) to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Consider outlining clear main points that support the viewpoint. Ensure each paragraph introduces a new idea and develops it fully before moving on.
task response
You have addressed the topic and stated your agreement with the statement clearly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • under-achieving
  • compulsory
  • after-school activities
  • grades
  • improve
  • support
  • resources
  • motivation
  • engagement
  • behavior
  • discipline
  • life skills
  • teamwork
  • time management
  • organizational skills
  • sense of community
  • belonging
  • drawbacks
  • limited freedom
  • pressure
  • flexible
  • study support programs
  • individualized tutoring
  • address
  • needs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: