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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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The way we interact with each other can influence the outcome fundamentally, and
that is
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 why
people
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 argue about whether we should compete or cooperate with each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
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.
Nonetheless
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, in a complicated modern
world
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,
people
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 should learn
both
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 behaviour styles to survive
this
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VUCA
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world
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.
Competition
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 and
cooperation
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both
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 have benefits and setbacks. First of all, we can hardly accomplish something great
by
Change preposition
on
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 our own nowadays since things are more complicated
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then
Replace the word
than
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 ever.
However
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, the resources which everyone value,
such
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 as money and promotion
oppotunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
, is
scarse
Correct your spelling
scarce
sparse
 and limited. If we are forced to decide which one we should give the precious
resouce
Correct your spelling
resource
, in most
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
, the way to find out who is through
competition
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.
That is
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 to say,
competition
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 and
cooperation
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 are
both
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 important to all of us. Despite learning how to
Use synonyms
cooperation
Replace the word
cooperate
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 and
competiion
Correct your spelling
compete
 together may sound
contradicted
Wrong verb form
contradicting
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, the reality is that we live in a
VUCA
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world
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 which makes one way of doing things impossible. "
VUCA
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" means
votality
Correct your spelling
vitality
volatility
, uncertainty, complexity and ambiguity, and
this
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 term depicts the
world
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 we are living in perfectly. In
a
Change the article
an
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 environment
that is
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 always changing, we
also
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 need different ways to adjust the situation.
For example
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, in the working context, we need to cooperate with our coworkers when we face customers for great experience; meanwhile, we will be competitors to our coworkers for a great opportunity to promote. In conclusion,
although
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 some think
people
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 should learn either
competition
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 or
cooperation
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, in my view, we should learn
both
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 to survive
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VUCA
Correct article usage
the VUCA
show examples
 environment. Only
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
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 one of each will make
people
Use synonyms
 lose precious opportunities or achieve limited results, so we need
both
Use synonyms
 and use different styles in suitable
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 to achieve more.

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints and offers a clear opinion. Try to incorporate more specific examples to illustrate your points, making your argument stronger and more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is logically structured and ideas are generally clear. There are minor inaccuracies in grammar and vocabulary that do not significantly affect comprehension, but could be polished for greater accuracy.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction sets the stage effectively, and the conclusion succinctly wraps up your viewpoint. This creates a coherent flow from start to end.
Task Achievement
You've effectively identified the significance of both competition and cooperation within a modern context, particularly with regards to a VUCA world. This demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and its complexities.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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