the graph gives information on the number of participants for different activities at one social center in Melborne for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the graph gives information on the number of participants for different activities at one social center in Melborne for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The following graph shows us the numbers of
participants
for different
activities
at one social centre in
Melbourne
, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. There are five basic
activities
such
as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
film club, martial arts, amateur dramatics, table tennis, and musical performances. it is worth considering that
Melbourne
is one of the most popular
ceties
Correct your spelling
cities
that
atrackt
Correct your spelling
attract
attention
Correct article usage
the attention
show examples
of sporters
along with
articts
Correct your spelling
artists
in different art aspects.
First
Correct article usage
The first
show examples
of those
activities
is
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
club, which
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
the most
of
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apply
show examples
participants
number
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
about 70
participants
in 2020. And oppositely, the musical
performanes
Correct your spelling
performances
performance
is a lower
activety
Correct your spelling
activity
atrackt
Correct your spelling
attract
participants
. But it is worth noting that the
musical
Correct quantifier usage
number of musical
show examples
performances
Change the noun form
performance
show examples
activities
improves
Change the verb form
improve
show examples
and the
participants
Change to a genitive case
participant's
participants'
show examples
number is increasing
by
Change preposition
over
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time. One of the most enjoyable
activities
is table tennis,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
2020, it won
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place
of
Change preposition
among
show examples
the most attractive
activities
as well as
martial arts.
This
attraction results
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to efforts that
Melbourne
Correct article usage
the Melbourne
show examples
government
doing
Wrong verb form
is making
show examples
to improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
activities
in order to enhance
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
health levels. The
last
activity is amateur dramatics. Unfortunately,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
has
a
Add a missing verb
been a
show examples
huge decrease in
participants
number for
unknowing
Replace the word
unknown
show examples
reasons, some of
participants
Add an article
the participants
show examples
said that
this
decrease refers to a weakness
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
efforts to improve
this
type of
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
. In conclusion, the graph clearly shows the different range of interesting
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
activities
which is a positive sign that reflects the great efforts of
Melbourne
Correct article usage
the Melbourne
show examples
government in order to improve the
activities
.
Submitted by sarahaldhmadi on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words participants, activities, melbourne with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "improves" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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