In some countries, it can be difficult for people over the age of 50 to get good jobs, despite their experience. What do you think are the causes and effects of this problem?
In a few countries, elder people who are more the 50 years old, struggle with spotting fine vocation,
although
they have a lot of practical experiences. Reason
why they have difficulty is that the companies and the governments concentrate on admitting youth, because of having too much energy, ambition and Add an article
The reason
being determined
, Wrong verb form
determination
however
, it will affect remarkably the ratio of suicide and unemployment or divorce.
To begin
with, nowadays, the
workplaces focus on younger staff so that they experience in their own companies, benefit them economically and politically. Correct article usage
apply
Furthermore
, to not lose the chances of younger employees, in developed countries, officials provide all living expenses and stuff in order to make students study in better universities to be well-educated, therefore
they will be able to benefit from their ambition and inspiration and those workers bear fruit to the governments. Thus
, 50+ elders are out of the center
of attraction and are coping with getting good jobs today.
Change the spelling
centre
On the other hand
, as a result
of admitting younger
generation, elderly people become unemployed and Correct article usage
the younger
it
ends up with family problems and nurturing children, Correct pronoun usage
apply
therefore
suicide is commited
by aged humans Correct your spelling
committed
due to
not being capable of feeding themselves, at least. Nowadays, parent
are likely to have a child at a later age, so as soon as they turn Fix the agreement mistake
parents
to
50s they still have to care about families, sometimes divorces appearChange preposition
apply
,
because they do not provide Remove the comma
apply
sufficiently
to sustain Change the word
sufficient
the
life.
In conclusion, in some territories, elderly humans find Correct article usage
apply
difficult
to acquire a decent job Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
inspite
of their experiences. Today, workplaces prefer more younger generation Correct your spelling
in spite
due to
their enthusiasm and power, this
is why, it will result
with Wrong verb form
results
the
suicides and some family issues Correct article usage
apply
on
50+ aged human beings.Change preposition
among
Submitted by novruzluahmed2007 on
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task achievement
You have addressed the essay question and identified multiple causes and effects, which satisfies the task requirements. However, the ideas could be further expanded upon to cover all aspects comprehensively. Consider adding more examples to support your points and make your response more thorough.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that your ideas naturally progress using linking words. Some sentences could be phrased more clearly to improve flow and readability.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed, as well as a conclusion that summarizes the topic effectively.
task achievement
You have identified and explained a reasonable cause and multiple effects of the issue, which shows a good understanding of the task.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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