Some people think that in modern society individuals are becoming more dependent on each other, while others say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other.

#people #society #individuals

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While

Linking Words

it is widely debated that today's

people

Use synonyms

are becoming more dependent on each other

due to

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social-driven

Correct article usage

the social-driven

show examples

nature of mankind,

others

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argue that we slowly

become

Wrong verb form

becoming

show examples

more independent

instead

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as a consequence

Linking Words

Use synonyms

technologies

Fix the agreement mistake

technology

show examples

. Both points of view about whether we relied on each other or not

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

and

reason

Correct article usage

the reason

show examples

why I support

latter

Correct article usage

the latter

show examples

agreement will be discussed

further

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

essay.

To begin

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with, it may seem sensible for some to believe that we

are depend

Change the verb form

depend

show examples

on each other more than we used to.

This

Linking Words

possibly

Replace the adverb

possible

show examples

because of our main features of being socially intact. Though, it is not clear that we solely depend on

others

Use synonyms

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

there were

number

Change the article

a number

the number

show examples

of cases found in the research that

people

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

generation would

seeks

Change the verb form

seek

show examples

help from families or strangers from media

site

Fix the agreement mistake

sites

show examples

However

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, many opponents of

this

Linking Words

idea might

opposed

Verb problem

say

show examples

that

people

Use synonyms

nowadays rather become independent and

isolate

Wrong verb form

isolated

show examples

Technologies

Use synonyms

and innovations are believed to

Verb problem

play

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

major role in changing

people

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lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

as they offer various functions aiding

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

in several aspects:

convenience

Change preposition

including convenience

show examples

. In

this

Linking Words

sense,

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the combination of

technologies

Use synonyms

that help

people

Use synonyms

in daily activities to do it

yourself

Correct pronoun usage

themselves

show examples

can

cultivating

Wrong verb form

cultivate

show examples

us to become independent and less likely to ask

help

Change preposition

for help

show examples

from

others

Use synonyms

. From my perspective, I personally argue in favour of

people

Use synonyms

are

Wrong verb form

being

show examples

indendepent

Correct your spelling

independent

seeing that

people

Use synonyms

now

Add a missing verb

are now

show examples

afraid to ask

help

Change preposition

for help

show examples

from

other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

show examples

and rather do it by themselves first.

Due to

Linking Words

the change of attitude to become independent

among

Change preposition

show examples

highly

Correct article usage

a highly

show examples

intense competitive era, where one who

able

Add a missing verb

is able

show examples

to manage

thing

Fix the agreement mistake

things

show examples

by themselves often

get

Correct subject-verb agreement

gets

show examples

praise, unlike those who ask for help will rather get offended for not trying hard enough.

As a result

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

nowadays

eager

Add a missing verb

are eager

show examples

to do things on their own

than

Rephrase

rather than

show examples

relying on

others

Use synonyms

compared to the past. In summary,

although

Linking Words

it is undeniable that

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

depend on each

Use synonyms

others

Change to a singular noun

other

show examples

socially, I am of the opinion that

with

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

changes in attitudes and

Use synonyms

technologies

Replace the word

technological

show examples

advances contribute us to

become

Wrong verb form

becoming

show examples

more independent.

Submitted by kamonluck1999 on Fri Nov 01 2024

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coherence cohesion

To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on paragraph transitions. Ensure each paragraph connects smoothly to the next with linking sentences or phrases.

task achievement

Try to support your main points with more specific examples or evidence. This will strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

language use

Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structures to improve clarity. This helps in making your ideas more comprehensible.

introduction conclusion present

The introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay. This is effective in setting the context for the reader.

introduction conclusion present

The conclusion effectively summarises the main arguments and provides the writer's perspective, reinforcing the essay's stance.

task achievement

The essay discusses both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the task requirement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
41
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

331 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

interdependence
globalized economy
collaborative work environments
crowd-sourced
empowered
perception
availability
autonomy
reliance
shifted

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Some people think that in modern society individuals are becoming more dependent on each other, while others say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other.

Fully explain your ideas

Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people. Identify the possible causes of this trend, and propose some solutions you think would be effective.

Young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to work or study in cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the drawbacks?

Some teachers think that changing subjects with every lesson will help their students focus more. However, other teachers think that offering their students several lessons on the same subject in a row will help them focus more. Which opinion do you think is better?

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.