Some people think that in modern society individuals are becoming more dependent on each other, while others say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other.

While
it is widely debated that today's
people
are becoming more dependent on each other
due to
social-driven
Correct article usage
the social-driven
show examples
nature of mankind,
others
argue that we slowly
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
more independent
instead
as a consequence
of
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
. Both points of view about whether we relied on each other or not
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
and
reason
Correct article usage
the reason
show examples
why I support
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
show examples
agreement will be discussed
further
in
this
essay.
To begin
with, it may seem sensible for some to believe that we
are depend
Change the verb form
depend
show examples
on each other more than we used to.
This
is
possibly
Replace the adverb
possible
show examples
because of our main features of being socially intact. Though, it is not clear that we solely depend on
others
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there were
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
of cases found in the research that
people
in
this
generation would
seeks
Change the verb form
seek
show examples
help from families or strangers from media
site
Fix the agreement mistake
sites
show examples
.
However
, many opponents of
this
idea might
opposed
Verb problem
say
show examples
that
people
nowadays rather become independent and
isolate
Wrong verb form
isolated
show examples
.
Technologies
and innovations are believed to
be
Verb problem
play
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
major role in changing
people
's
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
as they offer various functions aiding
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
in several aspects:
convenience
Change preposition
including convenience
show examples
. In
this
sense,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the combination of
technologies
that help
people
in daily activities to do it
yourself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
can
cultivating
Wrong verb form
cultivate
show examples
us to become independent and less likely to ask
help
Change preposition
for help
show examples
from
others
. From my perspective, I personally argue in favour of
people
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
more
indendepent
Correct your spelling
independent
seeing that
people
now
Add a missing verb
are now
show examples
afraid to ask
help
Change preposition
for help
show examples
from
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
and rather do it by themselves first.
Due to
the change of attitude to become independent
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
highly
Correct article usage
a highly
show examples
intense competitive era, where one who
able
Add a missing verb
is able
show examples
to manage
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
by themselves often
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
praise, unlike those who ask for help will rather get offended for not trying hard enough.
As a result
,
people
nowadays
eager
Add a missing verb
are eager
show examples
to do things on their own
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
relying on
others
compared to the past. In summary,
although
it is undeniable that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
depend on each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
socially, I am of the opinion that
with
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
changes in attitudes and
technologies
Replace the word
technological
show examples
advances contribute us to
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
more independent.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
Try to support your main points with more specific examples or evidence. This will strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
language use
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structures to improve clarity. This helps in making your ideas more comprehensible.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay. This is effective in setting the context for the reader.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarises the main arguments and provides the writer's perspective, reinforcing the essay's stance.
task achievement
The essay discusses both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the task requirement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interdependence
  • globalized economy
  • collaborative work environments
  • crowd-sourced
  • empowered
  • perception
  • availability
  • autonomy
  • reliance
  • shifted
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