Some people believe that schools should reward those students who show excellent academic performance while some believe that only the ones who show significant improvement in the grades should be rewarded. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some people think that schools should reward those

students

Use synonyms

who excel in academic performance.

However

Linking Words

, others believe that those who show improvements in their grades should get

rewards

Use synonyms

. I personally believe that

while

Linking Words

rewarding those who show excellent academic performance inspires them and they achieve

this

Linking Words

result through their born talents, rewarding those who are improving is more beneficial because they achieve

this

Linking Words

result through their hard

work

Use synonyms

and dedication.

Who

Correct determiner usage

Those who

show examples

excel in their academic performance,

Correct word choice

and rewarding

show examples

rewarding

Verb problem

apply

show examples

inspires

Wrong verb form

inspired

show examples

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

. After getting

rewards

Use synonyms

, they will become more courageous to perform better.

Moreover

Linking Words

, Those who achieve excellent results in their academic careers, achieve them because they are talented by born. When they properly use their born talents, they can achieve

this

Linking Words

success

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, in 2019, a research project published by Deakin University revealed that

students

Use synonyms

who are born

talents

Replace the word

talented

show examples

only

become

Verb problem

apply

show examples

succeed in exams and achieve excellent results.

However

Linking Words

, I personally believe that

students

Use synonyms

who achieve

success

Use synonyms

through their hard

work

Use synonyms

deserve

rewards

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

students

Use synonyms

who achieve

success

Use synonyms

through significant improvements, deserve

rewards

Use synonyms

because they achieve it through their hard

work

Use synonyms

. Achieving excellence from a beginner level

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

requires a lot of hard

work

Use synonyms

. Those who can do that hard

work

Use synonyms

only achieve that

success

Use synonyms

Furthermore

Linking Words

, achieving

success

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

requires dedication. People who achieve

success

Use synonyms

through dedication

requires

Correct subject-verb agreement

require

show examples

a lot of effort.

For example

Linking Words

, in Australia, people who achieve

success

Use synonyms

through hard

work

Use synonyms

can become

succeed

Replace the word

successful

show examples

Therefore

Linking Words

,I believe that those who achieve

success

Use synonyms

from a beginner level deserve

rewards

Use synonyms

. In conclusion, I personally believe that those who succeed academically deserve

rewards

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, those who achieve

success

Use synonyms

through their hard

work

Use synonyms

from a beginner level

deserves

Correct subject-verb agreement

deserve

show examples

more.

rahman_rehanaFri Nov 01 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Enhance the logical progression of your arguments. While your essay has a clear structure, some transitions between ideas can be smoother.

Task Achievement

Develop your supporting examples with more relevance and specificity. Examples like the research from Deakin University need clearer ties to your argument.

Task Achievement

Clarify your thesis and opinion in the introduction and ensure your conclusion reflects your earlier arguments. The connection between your introduction and conclusion could be stronger.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion which encapsulates the overall argument, providing completeness to your answer.

Task Achievement

You have successfully discussed both perspectives in the debate regarding academic rewards, showing a comprehensive understanding of the prompt.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

274 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

academic performance
excellent academic performance
significant improvement
motivates
aspires
intelligence
hard work
dedication
competitive spirit
academic success
struggle academically
perseverance
innate ability
confidence
valued
growth mindset
inclusive environment
holistic education

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